Chapter 24: April 25th, 1992
The early hours of the next day were spent on his knees scrubbing the shower walls and tub, top to bottom. Sarah agreed to Cesar’s sleepover idea, and now he had to make good on his promise to clean every inch on the off chance that Sarah might want to use the shower that night or, God forbid, take a bubble bath in it, a concept straight out of Mark’s nightmares. There was no way he was going to let her use the same tub where he and Cesar were regularly screwing around, not without giving it a thorough cleaning for the first time since moving into the house. It was something he never saw much of a point in doing considering it was usually just him, though sometimes he would tidy up when family came to visit to keep his mom from breathing down his neck about it, but never anything worth writing home about. He did try to keep the bedroom and kitchen clean these days for when Cesar came over, but that was it. But desperate times call for desperate measures, and he was going to make sure it was pristine before Sarah even thinks about stepping foot in it.
“Are you still in there? What, are you scrubbing it with a toothbrush?”
He wasn’t, but he may as well have been. The scrub brush he had wasn’t much bigger than his hand. “You could, oh I don’t know, help?” But when he raised his head the only view of Cesar he got was of his back as he turned the corner to walk away. “Cesar! Get back here, it’s your jizz too!”
Cesar reappeared back at the door, leaning on the frame. “Does it really matter that much? It all goes down the drain.”
“It does matter! The water doesn’t clean everything by itself!”
“Well, whose idea was it to fuck in the shower yesterday?”
“Okay sure, it was me yesterday, but what about all the times before that?”
He put his hands up defensively. “Okay, okay! Listen, if it’ll help, I’ll go get everything set up downstairs. Haul the TV down, grab the movie tape—”
“NOT. Fucking Jacob’s Ladder,” he said, cutting him off, eyes trained back to a spot that he just knows has seen way more of their collective filth than he wanted to think about.
“Christ almighty, I wasn’t going to pick Jacob’s Ladder! Seriously, what’s your problem right now?”
“You’re crushing on fucking… Tim Robbins!”
Cesar struggled to suppress a laugh. “I’m not! We’ve been over this!”
“I see those goo-goo eyes you make at him!”
“I don’t do that! And even if I did, it’s not like I’d choose him over you, even if I got the chance!”
“You wouldn’t take a celebrity over a slightly overweight guy with acne?”
Cesar sauntered into the bathroom with his arms crossed. He stopped behind where Mark was hunched over the edge of the tub and laid his hands on him, kneading his fingers into his tense shoulders. “You’re a celebrity to me. The only celebrity I’ll ever need.”
All of the tension melted out of Mark’s body like ice melting into water. “Damn, you’re persuasive… but please, no Jacob’s Ladder. I think I could recite the whole script from memory.”
“Don’t worry. No Jacob’s Ladder today. Actually, while I was on the phone with Sarah yesterday, I noticed you had the Of Mice and Men movie. Sarah’s been complaining about having to read the book for English.”
“Let me guess. She wants to watch the movie and pass it off as having read the book so she doesn’t have to actually read it?”
“Probably.”
Mark stopped and leaned back on his heels. “And you told her this was fine?”
“Do I look like her dad?”
“Point. And it’s still better than watching you cream your pants over Tim Robbins.”
The relaxing massage wasn’t so relaxing anymore. In fact, now Mark was being violently shaken and had to grip the edge of the tub for support. “I’m telling you, I don’t have a celeb crush on him!”
Before Mark could come up with a witty reply, Cesar stormed out of the bathroom. Followed by the sound of feet angrily pounding down the stairs. Probably hauling the TV down like he said he would, but grumbling and complaining about it the whole way. Mark hoped Cesar knew that he was only messing with him and that he wasn’t actually jealous of some random celebrity that neither of them would ever meet, and that he trusted Cesar when he said he would always choose Mark over anyone else. He couldn’t help wanting to turn the tables sometimes; it was funny when it was Cesar getting flustered and aggravated for once. With a dopey smile and the image of Cesar’s blushing face burned in his mind, the rest of the cleaning went by fast.
That afternoon, Sarah arrived with a backpack that was stuffed full to where it could explode at any moment. Mark figured she brought some of her schoolwork with her, probably some worksheets or whatever it was that she was assigned for the book that she was supposed to be reading but had no intentions on reading. The rest? Whatever girls brought to sleepovers. Mark still wasn’t sure what that was. She greeted Mark as casually as ever, but her demeanor changed entirely when she saw Cesar behind him. “Oh my gosh, bestie, hey!” she squealed, throwing herself into his arms. The two were rejoicing like they hadn’t seen each other in years. Mark felt dejected that he didn’t get a hug too, a feeling that must have been written all over his face since Sarah seemed to notice it immediately. She came back to hug him too. Too late, now it was only a pity hug, which was almost worse than not getting one at all.
“Look what you did now, Sarah. You’ve offended him,” said Cesar, brushing his hand against Mark’s as he stepped up to stand beside him. Just a little reminder that he wasn’t being ignored or treated like an afterthought.
“It’s alright. But are we really watching a movie just so Sarah can cheat the system?”
She slammed her heavy bag down on the couch. The thing had to weigh a ton. “Like you wouldn’t do the same.”
“Actually I wouldn’t, because I didn’t. I had to read Of Mice and Men in freshman year, too.”
“But there’s no way you actually read it.”
“But I did.”
“You? Read? Since when?”
“Hey, I read! Not a lot, but I do!”
“Sorry to say you’re wrong on this one Sarah,” Cesar said, looping his arm into Mark’s. “He doesn’t look the type, but he’s super into literature and shit like that. In fact—” but Cesar cut himself off there. He was about to mention the whole poetry thing, something that nobody except Cesar knew about, and even then, even Cesar wasn’t allowed to read the things Mark wrote. He only had the honor of knowing it exists. But he’d be mortified if anyone else knew about it.Sarah was waiting for him to finish the sentence, and when he didn’t she just shrugged and didn’t think anything of it. “Well, that makes two things I never would have expected from him!”
Mark groaned and blushed and buried his face into Cesar’s shoulder while he laughed and stroked his fingers through Mark’s hair. This was too much. Would it be rude if he said he wanted to go take a nap? He couldn’t handle Sarah and Cesar in the same room together. It would have been better if she still found this whole thing to be “gross”, it was too weird for his sister to be ragging on his relationship like this. Same feeling as if his mom tried to show Cesar his baby photos. Some information does not need to cross-contaminate into all of his relationships.
“Willing to bet that I can’t teach you a third thing?”
Yeah, Mark had to slam on the brakes right about there. He clapped his hand over Cesar’s mouth. “That’s enough. You promised to not be weird around my sister.”
“Yeah, whatever he was about to tell me was probably knowledge I’m not ready for yet. So I’ll pass, but thanks!”
You’ll never be ready for whatever he was about to say, Mark considered saying, but kept it to himself. Wouldn’t want to encourage Cesar’s shenanigans. There were also too many “fun facts” about himself that Cesar knew now and he didn’t even want to know which one he was planning on letting slip.
There were blankets and pillows thrown on and in front of the couch. Apparently, Cesar set up the couch just for Sarah, and planned to put himself and Mark on the floor in front of it. It annoyed him at first, but all of the alternatives meant either not sitting next to Cesar or putting Sarah on the floor. Sarah should be comfortable, and he wanted Cesar next to him, even if it was just to supervise him.
They giggled together, Sarah thanking Cesar for giving up the entire couch and everything on it to her without Mark’s input—he would have agreed to it anyway!—and throwing herself into his arms. He pulled her close to his side. “At least someone appreciates me. If you keep being mean to me, your sister might steal my heart from you.”
“You don’t even like girls.”
“Exactly. That’s how hard you’re failing right now.”
“I’m sure I can make up the lost points later,” he said with a hidden note of snark, knowing Cesar would know what he meant but Sarah would probably miss it. “I’ll get snacks. Behave.”
Sarah looked up at Cesar’s blushing face, a deep red rivaling a tomato. “What’s wrong?”
He turned away. “Mark knows how to get to me, that’s all.”
She looked thoughtful at this for a moment. She didn’t really get it. Had to be something dirty. That much was obvious and she made a face at it, but she didn’t think any deeper; her sanity depended on it. There was also no telling what it was that Cesar found attractive about her brother. No girls (or boys, for that matter!) were stumbling around him or falling at his feet begging him to give them a chance, not with his looks or his cranky attitude. She loved him and all, but… she couldn’t see him as having any kind of “romantic” charm that could make a guy like Cesar swoon.
She shrugged. “Love is blind” , or so they say. And Mark was happy, so not much to complain about. Except some mental images that left her scarred for life, but she’d get over it. Eventually.
“Ohmigosh, wait, I had the BEST idea and I brought something over, we should do it while we wait!” She started rummaging through her backpack. Papers scattered all over. Notes and worksheets that Cesar picked up off the floor and tried to keep together. Some were already crumpled even though they were dated as being from earlier that day… untidiness runs in the family, he decided. Cesar wasn’t sure if he liked the sound of this fourteen-year-old girl’s fantastic idea, but this was his bestie now and he would at least hear her out. Well, his bestie besides Mark, but that was different. “What did you have in mind?”
Sarah pulled out a giant clear carrying case that Cesar did not like the look of one bit. Ready or not, he knew he was in for it.
“Alright, I left for twenty minutes. Can someone tell me what the hell I missed?”
When Mark came back, what he walked in on was Cesar and Sarah sitting on the floor across from one another, Cesar with his legs pulled in close and hugging his knees while Sarah painted his toenails the brightest neon pink Mark had ever seen. There was a mischievously happy look in Cesar’s eyes before he noticed that Mark was standing there. His entire attitude changed when he finally did notice. “I promise this wasn’t my idea! Help me, your sister’s crazy!”
“But you said you were okay with it as long as we didn’t do your fingernails!”
“He doesn’t need to know that!”
Mark sighed and sat down next to him. Weird as it was to see his sister painting his boyfriend’s toenails, at least he didn’t do his fingernails; can’t hide those in gym class. Cesar was just letting Sarah have her fun, and doing it in a way that he could hide it later.
“Pink’s not your color.”
Cesar recoiled away from Mark like he’d been stung. “What?”
“Yeah. Should have gone with red. Or black. Brings out your eyes.”
His head whipped back around to Sarah. “You said pink would look good on me!” Cesar turned his head away from both of them with a pout, but also with a warm, blushing face. Sarah wasn’t quite as happy.
“Come on, that’s so mean. I went through all that effort…”
It wasn’t hard to get Sarah to forgive him. All she needed was a reminder that the entire couch was hers while the boys were left to sit on the floor like second class citizens. She puffed out her chest like she really was a queen ruling over her subjects.
Mark thought that was accurate. She may as well be, he thought. Even Cesar won’t tell her no. Sarah took her place on her throne—the couch—with her notebook and worksheets at the ready while the boys settled down in front. Cesar was insistent on throwing the blanket over them and getting cozy under it with Mark. Suspicious, but he wasn’t going to say no to that. The only reason he was putting up with being on the floor was so he could be next to Cesar. Despite his elaborate act, Cesar took extra care in making sure he didn’t brush the fresh new nail polish on the blankets. It definitely wasn’t because Cesar cared that much about the raggedy old thing that was ready to fall apart the next time it went through the spin cycle.
Most of the movie went by peacefully. At some point his and Cesar’s hands drifted together and didn’t let go until Cesar noticed their palms were getting sweaty. At that point he decided he was “still cold” and pulled the blanket up and around his shoulders. It formed a tent over his body that hid his hands from view, leaving Mark feeling like he’d been ditched. Cesar made up for it by scooting closer to his side. Sarah didn’t mind their displays of affection anymore. She was happily filling out her worksheets, taking her notes and ignoring Cesar’s occasional nuzzling of Mark’s neck.
It seemed like everything would be fine. Sarah was occupied. Cesar was mostly behaving.
He felt Cesar’s leg nudge against his under the blanket. Mark didn’t think anything of it at first. Just trying to get himself as close to Mark as he could get. They both needed physical love and affection from each other, sexual or not, and this wasn’t all that weird. But then he did it again, then again, and then the nudging turned into abruptly bumping his leg against Mark’s like he was trying to get his attention. Mark shot him a sideways glance as a warning, but as soon as Cesar knew Mark was paying attention his still-sweaty palm was on his knee. “Knock it off,” he silently mouthed at him.
Cesar put distance between them after that, but wouldn’t stop fidgeting the entire time. There was no emotion on his face, but he was shuffling around like he couldn’t get comfortable. Mark didn’t want Sarah to get the wrong idea, so he pulled the blanket up to his shoulders the same way Cesar did, covering his entire body from the chest down and setting his hands back in his lap. Hiding his hands wasn’t the least suspicious thing he could have done, but it hid some of Cesar’s fidgeting.
He stopped suddenly and squeezed Mark’s hand. Then pulled it closer. Against everything he knew about Cesar, Mark thought he wanted to hold hands again and happily squeezed his fingers around his boyfriend’s. The sweat didn’t bother him.
Where his hand ended up was an instant reminder of who he was dealing with here, because his hand was now on Cesar’s crotch and he could feel him pulsing and throbbing through the baggy sweatpants he borrowed from Mark. Must have been why he asked to borrow those in the first place, but Mark realized this too late.
He did his best not to make a face and mouthed an annoyed “fine” without taking his eyes off the television. He’d die here and now if Sarah figured out what they were doing.
He roughly palmed and grabbed Cesar through his pants. There was a slight upward tilt of his head as he leaned back against the couch cushion and a quiet inhale through his nose as he closed his eyes. Sarah didn’t move; it only sounded like a little sniffle. Mark rubbed over his crotch in wide and rough circles until he slipped his hand past the waistbands and started to touch him directly. His heartbeat was pounding hard in Mark’s palm.
They’d have a little talk about this later. In front of his sister? Really?
Cesar’s hand started to dig its way into Mark’s pants, too. He didn’t think he was getting hard at this time or place, but much to his disgust there was something happening there. He couldn’t help it. He loved satisfying Cesar too much. It turned him on every time, guaranteed. They started pumping each other’s dicks together, as Cesar relaxed and leaned over to rest his head on Mark’s shoulder. To Sarah, the gesture didn’t look nefarious, just some normal non-sexual physical affection, just the two boys being comfortable enough around each other and in front of her that they don’t think of themselves as being “too manly” for warm cuddles under a big blanket. She didn’t know they were choking back every breath in fear that a moan might slip out. The blanket, with the large space underneath made by how it draped over their knees, kept Sarah from seeing anything suspicious. She couldn’t see them idly rubbing each other off while they “watched” the movie. She couldn’t see how they would bite their lips or cheeks to stifle themselves when a thumb wet with precum would tease their slits.
Mark hated himself right now. The guilt wasn’t enough to make Cesar’s touch less intoxicating.
Mark let his head rest against Cesar’s. He couldn’t pay attention to the movie anymore. Not that he cared about it in the first place, in fact he wasn’t even sure when or why he picked it up from the video store, maybe it was something that got thrown haphazardly into a box while he was moving out. But the voices coming from behind the screen were background noise, a gentle droning in the background that served the same purpose of a fireplace, something that made the house feel like home. It was something he took for granted until now. How many homes were left silent and empty after the bans on screens and mirrors? It kept the room warm while he and Cesar cuddled and played with each other’s bodies. For this one moment he could forget that they were doing this in front of Sarah and appreciate that he had the man of his dreams to share a blanket with and, later that night, his bed.
Cesar’s lip caught on his teeth when he came suddenly into Mark’s hand. Using every bit of his willpower, he kept himself from shaking too much through the short but sweet orgasm. He grabbed Mark’s wrist with his free hand to tell him that he was finished, but his other hand kept going. Because as much as this was Cesar’s idea, and as much as this was about Cesar and his needs, he wouldn’t dream of being unfair to Mark and not letting him get his. Those gentle half-lidded eyes, that happy and dopey post-orgasm smile, satisfied but lovingly so, it all sent waves of heat down his body that knotted in his groin until he was ready to break. The tiniest things were what drove Mark crazy, made him crazy for Cesar and everything he did. Holding back a grunt, he let loose right into Cesar’s hand, the older boy jokingly sticking his tongue out in an insincere “ew, gross” , but they both knew he’d be licking his hand clean if they were alone.
Aware that Cesar was wiping off the excess semen on the inside of his boxers, Mark quickly did the same. Sweet revenge, he thought with a smirk. He stretched his arms out, wide and exaggerated to mask the movement of taking his hand out of Cesar’s pants and giving Cesar a chance to do the same. “Hey, can we pause this?” he asked, looking back at Sarah. Her eyes were fixated on the TV up until that point. She didn’t suspect a thing. Mark felt a pang of relief. “Need to use the bathroom.”
“Huh? Oh, sure,” she muttered, bored. She was focused, but only because it was faster and easier than reading.If she didn’t have to be watching this, she wouldn’t be. What would they have ended up watching if Sarah got to choose? Certainly not Jacob’s Ladder for the sixteenth goddamned time this weekend, but the more he thought about it the more he realized it could have been worse.
When he went upstairs to the bathroom, he peered down the stairs to check that he wasn’t being watched and sharply veered off into his bedroom for a clean pair of underwear before sneaking across the staircase landing to the bathroom. He got himself changed and washed up, thankful that he didn’t leak into his pants, and threw the soiled boxers into the laundry basket. The deed was done, his crimes hidden. Now he just had to get back downstairs and keep Sarah distracted so Cesar could grab one of his own spare pairs from the bag he brought with him that was left at the foot of Mark’s bed. The plan was foolproof and nothing could go wrong.
“So how did it like… you know, happen?”
“What?” Cesar had thrown the blanket off of himself. Too warm under there now.
“You and Mark.”
He smiled. “Dumb luck. I liked him. He liked me. Neither of us knew the other was interested in men. We flirted back and forth as a joke until it wasn’t a joke anymore.”
Sarah seemed disappointed. “Is that it?”
“What were you expecting? A ‘love at first sight’ fairy tale? If you want to make it sappy, you could say that we grew up together and our feelings for each other grew with us. I’ve liked him since middle school.”
“That long?”
“He’s always been a sweetheart. Him turning out to be bisexual was like… divine intervention. I wasn’t expecting that. Thought he was straight all those years. I even gave up for a while.”
“Gave up?” Seeing how close these two were, the thought of that was… well, it was unthinkable. They were inseparable now, even more than they already were. “What made you try again?”
Something in his expression changed. He averted his eyes somewhere else. Clammed up. “Well…”
Relief washed over his face when Mark came stomping down the stairs. “If you need the bathroom, now’s the time.”
Cesar winked at Sarah and pushed past Mark up the stairs. That reaction from earlier was confusing, but then again, what was he supposed to say? Obviously it’s because he was so in love with Mark, duh! She would do the same if she were that head over heels for someone. It couldn’t have been easy for Cesar, knowing there was a high chance that there was no hope of Mark ever being interested in him.
“You two sounded chatty down here. What were you talking about?” Mark took a seat next to Sarah.
“You know. Stuff. Like how you guys got together.”
“For someone who reacted with disgust when you first found out, you sure are nosy about us all of a sudden,” he said with a lighthearted smile.
She shrugged. “Gotta make sure he’s the right one for my brother, that’s all.”
“Uh oh. I hope he’s passing your inspection.”
“So far, so good. But he’s on thin ice.”
“Guess he better watch himself, then. Wouldn’t want him to end up on the wrong side of you.”
They spent the next ten or fifteen minutes looking over the worksheets together. Mark showed no mercy in scaring her with implications that the movie might be different from the book in “a lot of places”. He even tried to bribe her with extra help on her English homework if she read the book. Didn’t work, but at least he tried.
After a while Mark found that he was running out of things to talk about with his sister. Which didn’t normally matter much, because even if he ran out of things to talk about, she never did. But it was weird that Cesar was taking so long to take a piss and change his underwear.
“Dumbass must have fallen in or something. I’ll go check on him.”
The door was left open just a crack. Weird. Mark knew Cesar wasn’t one of these gross people who left the door open when he’s using the toilet. So what was he up to?...
He peeked in—seeing Cesar naked or with his dick out wouldn’t have been a shock, to say the least—and saw Cesar sitting in a corner of the bathroom. With Mark’s boxers over his nose, taking the longest drags of the smell of the soiled crotch. He was furiously stroking himself off with a handful of the lube that Mark kept in a hidden stash behind the bottles of shampoo and body wash in the shower.
“Cesar!” Mark whispered with a hiss. It made Cesar jump for a moment, staring wide-eyed, but those eyes softened with delighted mischief when he noticed Mark was alone. “Fuckin’ sicko, put that down!”
He smirked and covered his crotch with Mark’s underwear. “Don’t you knock?”
“Put that shit away, and don’t call me a ‘ball-sniffer’ ever again.”
Like a child, he started to whine. “At least let me finish.”
“You just got off, like… five minutes ago!”
“And I need to again!”
He took a deep breath and approached slowly, Cesar’s eyes trained on him with curiosity at what he would do next. Was he coming to take his treasures away and end the fun early? When was the next time he’d get a chance like this?
Mark kneeled down in front of him and leaned in, his breath tickling his ear. “You aren’t behaving yourself. Such a dirty boy.” He could hear Cesar suck in a breath and hold it. Leaning back again, his eyes met Cesar’s wide-eyes, pupils dilated like he was drugged. He cradled the underside of his chin in his hand. “Come on. It’s too late now, isn’t it? Go ahead. Finish. You need it, right?” His body went slack in Mark’s gentle grip. With his other hand, Mark took hold of Cesar’s hand, the one that was holding the dirty underwear, and pressed it back against his nose. Cesar’s eyes fluttered shut and his chest heaved rapidly with excited breaths. “So disgusting. And you even left the door open. You wanted me to catch you in the act, didn’t you? There’s something fucking wrong with you. You’re sick.”
The muffled moan from behind the fabric threatened to send all the blood rushing to Mark’s dick. He needed to get out of here before he took this too far. He stood and turned away from Cesar, stopping with his hand on the doorknob. “Now hurry up. Don’t make me have to answer any awkward questions from Sarah.” He closed the door behind him, slowly, not wanting Sarah to hear that it was open in the first place.
Another ragged moan came from behind the closed door. “He’s so mean to me!” Cesar cried out, euphoric, as he went back to his business.
Told you I’d make up those lost points, Ces.
As much as Mark wanted to stay and eavesdrop on his boyfriend’s fun, he needed to make his escape and not push his luck.
Sarah was organizing her gel pen-covered notes when Mark came back down the stairs. “Is bestie okay?”
Mark’s brain flatlined. Need an excuse, need an excuse, something, something…
“Stomachache.”
“Aww, I told him he shouldn’t have eaten half a tub of ice cream.”
Oh how little Sarah actually knew about him. Cesar had a sweet tooth and a stomach made of iron to match. Half a gallon of ice cream was child’s play. Mark was always jealous of what he could get away with.
But for now Sarah didn’t need to know any of that. He was saved. For now.
