Love Me Harder

The bed creaked loudly as Mark dropped all of his weight onto it. Ever since he left the library, the tightness in his shorts only got worse. He felt so… he didn’t even know . What even was Cesar in his mind? Just something to get off to? Just the thought of him made his mind drift to the worst places, like there was nothing else in there. That’s definitely how he felt right now — his head was devoid of thought except for how badly he needed Cesar. Everything in him was screaming that he needed to jerk off. It made him feel filthy, he decided. Filthy, and like he was just using Cesar or something. When was the last time they went five minutes in the same room without getting handsy?

Think I’m gonna be sick.

This wasn’t what he wanted to think about while grabbing at himself through his pants. One thing at a time; he could feel sorry for himself later. Besides, he knew just what would help him feel better.

There were two old shoe boxes tucked away underneath his bed, both filled with photos of him and Cesar. He stopped for a moment to reach down and pulled them out, settling on one in particular. The other would be important later, but what he wanted was the box of jerkoff material. All taken with Cesar’s input, of course. Naturally he was all for it, asking Mark to make sure to only get his good side. As if he had a bad one. If only he’d taken a few pictures while he had Cesar on that leash…

Mark’s hand dug blindly through the box; just about anything would do the job.  The first picture he chose was one of his favorites — a close-up of Cesar’s face, his cheek resting against Mark’s palm. Drool coated his lips and coated his chin, and a few strings of cum were smeared across his face.

That was so much better than cumming in his mouth. Can’t believe I didn’t think of it sooner , Mark thought, roughly dragging his palm up and down the front of his shorts. The memory came back like it was still fresh in his mind. 

Totally worth it to get those photos developed. Thank fuck nobody else sees what’s on the film.

Mark couldn’t help but want to peruse his collection a bit. Another had Cesar laying down, tilted slightly onto his side, with a leg raised and a clear view of Mark’s whole entire dick buried in his ass. He remembered that session fondly, too; every few minutes Mark would stop just to hear Cesar beg for it. If it was good enough, he’d get his ‘reward’. Good times.

The best part was that he knew Cesar kept pictures just like this from his point of view. There were weekends where they would pass the camera back and forth and take pictures of each other, sometimes right in the middle of a hard fuck. Worked out great, way better than that store-bought pornography that just didn’t do it for them anymore. They didn’t need that shit anymore. Not since their first time.

Mark wondered how often Cesar did this. He could be at it right now, eyeing up a picture of Mark forcefully spreading his legs to ram into him unrestrained. He could be rubbing his fingers up against all his favorite spots, pretending it was Mark doing it to him.

I’ll bet he is. Dirty boy…Love him so much.

He grunted as he forced his belt open and yanked his shorts down. He repeated the rubbing motion over the front of his boxers, making his legs tense up and spread apart. When his hand glanced over where his tip was, he could feel the growing wet spot. What would Cesar say if he knew that just the thought of him had Mark leaking?

Bet he’d want a taste.

His hand instinctively tightened and squeezed suddenly around the outline of his dick, and he sucked in a hiss between gritted teeth. Mark freed himself from his boxers and reached over for some lube to slick himself up. Even if Cesar wasn’t here for real, his hand still felt better when it wasn’t completely dry.

The Cesar in his mind’s eye lapped at the precum dripping down his length. Sometimes he would tease the head with the tip of his tongue, or take him down to the base and bob his head a few times, only to pop back off and lick him some more. Such a little tease, but Mark secretly liked it that way.

 ‘That’s it, Ces. Get it nice and wet.’

This Cesar would do anything he asked. So not at all different from the real Cesar, really.

Mark was in the mood for letting the man ride him, and he instructed him on what to do in this little fantasy of his. He asks him to let his pants and underwear drop to the floor, and with a pretty little blush on his face he does it and climbs on top of Mark. There he goes again, putting on that shy act when they both know what an unhinged freak he really is. 

He raised his knees, planting his feet flat on the bed. With his hands on Cesar’s hips, he’d nudge him to get him to turn around. He’d lower himself onto Mark’s cock while holding onto his knees for support, and Mark loved the perfect view he had of watching himself sink deep into him. In his fantasy, Mark praised Cesar for being so good at taking all of him, and with a low purr in his throat Cesar would start to bounce in his lap.

As he watched Cesar sink down onto him in his mind’s eye, Mark’s hand tightly gripped his length and dragged it down to his base, at the same speed he imagined Cesar lowering himself onto him. Recreating the feeling with his hand was impossible, but damn if he wouldn’t try to get as close as he could. Nothing was better than the real thing, but the thought of Cesar riding him, sputtering moans and lewd compliments, was still heaven to Mark. He started loosely twisting his wrist on the upstroke, grunting each time his fingers grazed his tip, stopping after a few jerks to rub his thumb over the slit.

Wish he were here right now, need him so fucking bad…

Mark was starting to genuinely consider asking Cesar to move in with him. Maybe he was on to something with the whole ‘fucking him whenever he wanted’ thing. Mark wanted to feel disturbed by the thought, he wanted to tell himself that Cesar wasn’t there for his own pleasure. But he rationalized it with the idea that it was just part of their relationship to ‘take care’ of each other, to fulfill both of their needs with the other’s help, because nobody else could do it better.

Of course. They were the perfect match. Who else could keep up with Cesar’s sex drive but Mark? And who else could keep up with Mark’s sex drive than Cesar? It just made sense. They weren’t using each other, they needed each other.

Mark propped himself up on one hand so he could sit upright, adjusting himself so he could thrust his hips up into his hand. 

‘Mark! Nngh, yes, harder, fuck!—’ the Cesar in his mind cried out. And Mark gave him what he wanted, slamming himself hard against his closed fist. The way Cesar moaned the last time he fucked him was seared into his memory, and he replayed it over and over like a song he couldn’t get out of his head. He ramped up the intensity, imagining he was hitting Cesar’s sweet spot and hearing him crumble into a pile of moans and incoherent babbling.

This was fine. This was okay. He wanted to make Cesar feel good too. He wanted to see him melt in ecstasy. There’s no fun in it without that.

A few rubs in just the right places had Mark throwing his head back, moaning out loud from his own hand and the fantasies running wild in his head. Moving his hand faster, he couldn’t keep his mind focused on how the events in his little fictional scenario were supposed to play out. So instead, he grabbed a few of his favorite photos with his free hand. His body slumped back, his legs straightening out again and letting his head fall back onto the pillow, holding the pictures up so they were the only things in his view. 

He was already at his limit, and his wrist was straining from the speed that he was jerking himself. But he didn’t register the pain. Mark was in so deep that he couldn’t keep his thoughts inside his head anymore. “Cesar! Cesar! Fuck, I can’t— It’s so fucking good, Ces—!” With a choked cry he came hard onto his stomach and chest, muttering Cesar’s name repeatedly under his breath. He let his tired body go limp; finally, some relief. He’d have to change his soiled shirt, but that could wait. 

Mark gave himself a minute to breathe, his mind still foggy. Eventually he came to, and the negative thoughts came back with him.

Is this really okay?

He wiped his hand off on his shirt, since it was already gross and covered in cum anyway, and returned the photos to their box. But he pulled out a few from the other box — just some pictures of him and Cesar cuddling, which were damn hard to get when he couldn’t see the view from the other side of the camera. Worth it though, because he valued those moments more than anything. A few pictures were of the two just hanging out, or with just one of them in the shot doing something stupid and being a general asshole. It was a reminder that they did love each other, and that their relationship did matter. Perhaps it was okay, this was just part of the experience, he was ‘allowed’ to have these feelings. It was mutual, wasn’t it? Cesar had just as much fun with it as he did.

Yeah. This is okay. I think.