Love Me Harder

Mark had a habit of second-guessing everything he did. Now was no different.

The two finally had a weekend to themselves, one they were planning together for weeks. They easily got Cesar’s mom to agree to let him stay after coming back from school before coming home on Sunday; it’s not like she suspected anything, because if she did then they would have been busted and ratted out to Mark’s parents by now. And Mark made sure, absolutely sure, that his family who had keys to his house wouldn’t be visiting him this week.

Everything was laid out just the way it needed to be.

That’s what he thought, while he and Cesar sat side-by-side on the edge of his bed, still in the clothes they wore to school that day. They stared down at the floor below them. Sometimes towards the door, or the windows, just anywhere but directly at each other. They had no problems talking about it over the phone, so why did it have to be so awkward now?

It was his idea, but Mark was starting to wonder if he had it in him to go through with it. A few months of dating after years of being “best friends” (with, of course, some poorly-disguised pining and flirting thrown into random conversations from time to time), and he decided it was time to at least try. Cesar agreed, and yet here they were, refusing to make eye contact.

Wasn’t this sort of thing supposed to come easy to guys? If it did, then apparently it didn’t apply to him. Before realizing he was painfully in love with his best friend, he never actually felt that way about anyone. Maybe a few passing thoughts here and there that he found someone visually appealing, but those thoughts never went anywhere. They never turned into feelings .

It’s different when it’s someone you actually like for real, Mark decided. Other guys he knew would talk about girls, and he would overhear girls talk about boys, but never in a way that made it seem like they actually loved them. Not the way that he loved Cesar. As for boys who liked other boys, well…like him, they kept themselves firmly in the closet, so he didn’t exactly have anything to go off of.

Yeah, this whole “losing your virginity” thing was turning out to be a lot harder than Mark imagined it to be.

Other guys wore it as a badge of honor, but Mark was insistent that his first time would be with Cesar, and that would be a little hard to wear on his sleeve when he was still closeted (and for good reason; one person finds out you fucked another guy, and your — and his — entire high school life is ruined forever).

He wasn’t sure if he should be worried or relieved that Cesar was just as anxious as he was. Could they even do this when they couldn’t even fucking look at each other? He had to get this moving somehow. Find some way to break the ice.

Cesar’s voice cracked when he first spoke up again, low and quiet. “So…how did you want to do this?”

Mark realized he hadn’t put a whole lot of thought into that part, either. Fuck, who was supposed to be doing what? This could go either way, couldn’t it? If this was his idea, should he be taking the lead?

Then it hit him: there was a way to break the ice. Maybe they hadn’t gone all the way yet, but it wasn’t like they’d never touched each other before. There was no need to jump straight into things, the foreplay was just as important. There was a starting point, and he could just make shit up as he went along.

He set his hand on Cesar’s thigh, lightly brushing his fingers against his jeans. “We could start with what we usually do?” He waited for some sort of signal from the older male, relieved when he responded to the touch by climbing right into Mark’s lap. He scooted farther back onto the bed to give them more room to work with, Cesar taking the chance to shift around until he was comfortable.

Cesar was the opposite of Mark, a social butterfly full of confidence and charisma. But when it came to bedroom activities, even though it was just kissing alone together in either of their bedrooms, he suddenly became reserved and shy. At least until it became routine, slowly becoming more comfortable and at ease with communicating his needs with Mark. It flattered him, in ways he couldn’t even begin to put into words, how his boyfriend was growing to trust him so deeply. 

Which was exactly why he had to pull this off perfectly, and make it the best first time Cesar could ever ask for. In Mark’s mind, he deserved nothing less than the best. Their lips met, their kiss chaste at first, holding on to each other’s shoulders for support. They were so soft that it was torture to Mark to have to see him every day, but not be able to kiss him. If Cesar wanted, Mark would be happy to just do this with him for hours, like he had to make up for all that lost time. 

The wait would pay off soon, though. Eventually they would graduate, and then they could spend all the time they wanted together for a while. No more trying to catch glances from across the room, hoping nobody would notice Mark staring at his (very attractive) male classmate or the teasing glances he’d shoot back at him before returning to his notes.

The feeling of cool air hitting his belly broke him out of his thoughts. Cesar was tugging his shirt up, trying to take it off. The dark room was starting to feel hot and stifling, as it always did when they played around like this, so he was willing to let things move along. He raised his arms and let Cesar pull it the rest of the way over his head.

The less clothing, the better.

Careful hands felt him up, trailing up and down his sides, rubbing into his chest, exploring every small bump and dip in his skin, every touch raising the hairs on Mark’s arms. It was so cute how focused Cesar’s eyes were on examining his body. They could do this together every day and he would still inspect everything as if it were all new to him. 

Mark reached for the edge of Cesar’s shirt and pulled it off, eager for his turn next. He was always in awe of Cesar’s slimmer and more fit frame; he wasn’t the athletic type or into exercise at all, but he had such a wonderfully cute and petite body that it made Mark’s mind wander to some far less respectable places.

The things I could do to him, he thought more often than he would like to admit. Things like grab him from behind, rut against his clothed ass, pull those pants down, grope the soft and plush skin underneath…How he kept himself under control, he didn’t know. Cesar was just too enticing.

And now here they were, and Cesar might actually let him do those things to him. The thought had him straining hard against his shorts as he groped at Cesar’s upper body. It was too much, the dams were going to break any second, he wanted so badly to just rip the rest of their clothes off and get right down to it.

But he needed to take this slow. He couldn’t bear the thought of rushing things and making it so unpleasant that it turns them away from this when they both want it so badly.

So they didn’t rush, instead tenderly taking each other into their arms and letting their lips meet again and again. This was comfortable and familiar, kissing shirtless together, without any pressure to take things further than they were ready for. It made Mark’s chest feel all fluttery; it always did awaken the tiniest hint of arousal, curiosity seeping into his mind about what the rest of Cesar’s body must look like under his clothes. But he would gladly hold himself back for Cesar’s sake, appreciating everything that the smaller male was willing to give to him.

He was a little surprised at how much self-control the both of them had, being able to press their bodies up against one another and kiss, with Cesar heavy in his lap, even though Mark was certain they could both feel each other’s pulses throbbing hard underneath their pants. Mark could tell Cesar was starting to really feel the heat, the older male’s tongue aggressively poking its way into Mark’s mouth. 

He had to focus on something, literally anything else, other than how bad he needed to just pounce on Cesar and rail into him. The humming of the shitty old AC unit didn’t do much to distract him from Cesar’s tongue playing with his own, rubbing against his teeth, his mouth sometimes pulling away with a loud and wet smack only to immediately plunge back in again for more. They were frantic, chests heaving with wild breaths, like they just couldn’t get enough air. 

When they broke away long enough to get a good look at each other, Mark could tell Cesar was thinking the same thing. Enough was enough, they needed this now.

They agreed to unzip each other’s pants at the same time. Cesar shifted back a bit onto Mark’s legs to get at his loose, baggy cargo shorts. Cesar’s jeans, on the other hand, were so tight, Mark didn’t know how he could stand it. What happens when he pops a boner? There’s no fucking room in there for it. It had to fucking hurt, or be the most obvious hard-on in the world, or both. And sure enough, if he looked real close, even in the dark he could see the outline of Cesar’s dick creeping into one of his pant legs and down the inside of his thigh.

He’d look so much better in those dressy clothes he’s obsessed with, Mark thought. His mom was on his ass about wearing them to school, something about getting them dirty or ruined when he might need them for a wedding or whatever, which was a shame because it just suited him so much better in ways Mark couldn’t really make sense of. 

Mark’s face heated up at the thought of pulling Cesar’s dick out of a pair of dress slacks.

Is that a fetish? If it is, I probably have it. He felt his mind wandering elsewhere again, to the thought of Cesar presenting his crotch to him, letting him unlatch his belt and unbutton and unzip him, freeing his erection, thinking about what it would feel like to wrap his lips around it and—

What the fuck. I need to focus here.

He pulled down the unbuttoned and unzipped pants down to his thighs while Cesar was still fumbling with Mark’s belt.

“W-Wait, Mark, slow down a little, I’m still…” his voice trailed off, trembling fingers only just barely getting Mark’s belt open. He was so shaky… This was new to them, but was he really that psyched out over this?

Mark couldn’t help but find that cute. With a soft smile, he took both of Cesar’s hands in his own, pushing them down just enough that they were out of the way. “It’s okay. Let me help,” he said quietly, pulling his belt out of the way and unzipping his fly. He let Cesar sit back down beside him to pull his shorts down, straightening his legs to kick them off once they were below his knees. There was an awkwardly long pause, and Mark could hear the blood pounding in his ears. Was something wrong? He still had boxers on, yeah his dick was pitching a tent in them, but—

Shit, Cesar was staring. And now he was staring at Cesar staring. 

“Um, Cesar?”

The older boy’s eyes snapped back up to meet Mark’s. “Wha?”

Mark suppressed the urge to jokingly be an asshole and pop off with a ‘my eyes are up here’ comment. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah, it’s just…Can I?” He reached a hand towards the bulge in Mark’s underwear, stopping to wait for permission.

“Oh, yeah, sure. Um, you can touch, i-if you want.”

Cesar’s hand stroked up and down the front of Mark’s boxers, then pressed into the raised fabric, making the brunette’s hips instinctively press forward into the touches. Once he was finished feeling out the shape with his hand, Cesar’s fingers climbed to the waistband, fingertips just barely dipping past the elastic.

“Is this okay?”

Mark nodded, swallowing hard. “Yeah.”

Cesar went wide-eyed when Mark’s erection sprung free, the brunette averting his eyes in embarrassment. Did he really have to look at it like that? Was that normal? Was that a good thing? 

“Mark, holy shit, uh… I… Will that, you know, fit? ”

Mark wasn’t sure if Cesar was being dead serious, or if he was just exaggerating to give him a confidence boost. “Fit? I’m not that big, dude.”

“But it’s so…thick.”

“Not…Not really? You must have never seen a dick before besides your own,” he joked, hands reaching for his waist when the smaller male gave him an incredulous look. 

“And you have?”

“...No, I haven’t.” Yeah, that was definitely a stupid thing to say. Most guys have a general idea of what’s big and what isn’t, but that wasn’t the point. “Look, we’ll make it work. Here,” he said, the hands at Cesar’s waist falling to the edge of his underwear, “You want yours off too?”

Cesar made a quiet noise that Mark understood to be a ‘yes’, and it must have been, because Cesar was quick to shuffle the rest of the way out of his boxers once they were low enough on his legs. Cesar was definitely smaller than him, but in his opinion it wasn’t really by much. Like, they had to be about the same proportionally or something, right? “Don’t forget that we can stop at any time, you know?”

“No, I want to do this. I think we’ve left each other waiting long enough.” There was an edge to his tone, something that was almost enough to give Mark chills.

“Alright, but don’t force yourself. Here,” he started, wrapping a hand around Cesar’s cock, “You want me to touch you now?”

“Yeah, please…”

“Good. C’mere you,” Mark whispered, pulling Cesar into another tender kiss with his free hand, the older boy’s lips shaking against Mark’s as he whimpered from the contact on his dick. Mark was honestly way more focused on kissing him than stroking him off, but it was hard not to be when all he wanted to do was focus on the familiar to keep his boyfriend feeling comfortable and secure.

Cesar imitated the motions of Mark’s hand, gripping the brunette’s length in his hand and repeated back all the motions that had him shaking, listening for any hitch of the breath or surprised sounds to clue him in on what Mark liked the most. A particularly hard squeeze on the upstroke had Mark growling with need into Cesar’s mouth, encouraging him to do it again. Having someone else’s hand on him felt so much different from doing it himself…

Mark pulled away, signaling for them to stop. Cesar gave him a look of concern, and he realized that a move like that was going to make him worry. “I’ll cum if you keep doing that.” A large bead of precum was building up at his slit, and he knew he wasn’t going to last at this rate. “Do you want to, uh, you know. Move on?” 

Cesar barely suppressed a giggle. While he still had that look of uncertainty, something about his demeanor was starting to change. Whether that was for better or worse, Mark would soon find out. “Alright, Mark. What next?”

Mark pushed Cesar back gently onto the mattress. Turns out he wasn’t the only one who wasn’t going to last, because Cesar’s cock was dripping all over.

That makes things easier, I think.

The younger male reached for the lube he’d left at the bedside table — which was hell for him to get, but way better than just using some other kind of lotion as makeshift lubricant, he was sure — and squirted a generous amount onto his fingers, slowly pressing one into Cesar’s exposed hole. Surprisingly, he was met with very little resistance. Cesar’s body was relaxed, letting him easily slip the digit in almost all the way to the last knuckle. It may have just been one finger, but still, he was expecting that to be more difficult.

“I may have practiced a little bit,” Cesar explained, as if reading his thoughts.

“Practiced? Like, fingering yourself?”

“Yeah. Why, you don’t?”

“I don’t.”

“Never?”

“No.”

Cesar shrugged, a devious and playful look on his face. “Noted.”

Mark hadn’t looked up from what he was doing during that entire exchange, but that remark got his attention, his eyes locking with the other’s. “Do I want to know what you mean by that?”

“Don’t worry about it.”

He was worrying about it. “Alright man, whatever you say,” he mumbled as he added a second finger, feeling some pressure squeezing around him at last. That’s better, he finally had Cesar squirming a bit, though not in discomfort. Truth be told, he was only replicating what he’d learned on some highly questionable online forums, but it’s not like he had anywhere else to turn to for advice. Besides, it seemed to be working, so it all worked out for the best. He made sure Cesar was sufficiently stretched out enough to go the extra mile and try for a third, hoping it would alleviate some of Cesar’s nervousness of taking his, apparently, large dick. (He still thought Cesar was exaggerating, but whatever…)

That’s where he had Cesar whining and moaning, begging for Mark to slow down the rhythmic pumping of his fingers in and out of him. And of course he did, going as slow as his lover needed him to go, waiting until Cesar adjusted before giving him more and soon able to occasionally splay his fingers out to stretch him even further.

If he can take that, he should be fine, right?

Mark lubed up his cock, and made a move to line himself up with Cesar’s waiting entrance.

“Wait, Mark, hold on, I don’t know if…”

Mark waited for him to finish that sentence, but he never did. He knew what he was getting at, though. “Want to try sitting down in my lap yourself? So you can set the pace, I mean.”

Cesar nodded, following Mark as he let himself fall backwards on the bed, shuffling forward until he was propped up on his knees and hovering over Mark’s lap. He held onto Mark’s shoulders like it was his lifeline, like he would fall into the deep end and drown without them, gasping as he lowered himself onto the tip. But to Mark’s surprise, he didn’t stop; he lowered himself more than halfway before realizing he was at his limit and raising himself back up again just slightly.

“Fuck, that’s a lot,” Cesar sighed out, his breath hot against the side of Mark’s face. The brunette did his best to give him reassurance and praise, hoping it would be enough to ease him down further, massaging his hands into Cesar’s waist and hips. The tight squeeze around his dick was completely unlike anything Mark had ever felt before. No hand or toy could replicate the heat or pressure surrounding him.

God, how he wished he could just start wildly bucking into Cesar like an animal. The wait was killing him.

“You’re doing great, Ces. You got this.”

The two boys were practically melting into each other as Cesar started to move his hips up and down in earnest, repeatedly penetrating himself on Mark’s cock. Somewhere along the way Cesar had moved his head so he could rest his forehead against Mark’s, not taking his eyes off of him. 

He always has to be all romantic and shit. Were his eyes always this pretty?

A choked sound caught in Mark’s throat when Cesar took him all the way down to the hilt, shaking and shuddering in his lap and babbling obscenities under his breath. The look on Cesar’s face, his eyes shut and mouth slightly agape and panting heavily, and Mark was done for. 

“My fucking God, you’re beautiful.”

That was probably the corniest thing Mark’s ever said, but it seemed to make Cesar happy all the same. He wrapped his arms around Cesar’s body and braced himself against him, lifting him up and softly laying him onto his back once more, Mark himself moving along with him and following him down. Cesar’s hips were raised just slightly off the bed by Mark’s hands around his waist.

The expression on Cesar’s face was almost smug now, watching with poorly hidden giddiness as Mark’s composure completely fell apart. “What’s the matter, Mark?”

“I just can’t wait anymore. Can I?”

“Just try not to break me. I know you want to.”

He sure fucking did.

Mark made slow and careful movements at first, feeling like he was going to crumble to pieces just from the sight of Cesar squirming and pathetically moaning under him. It felt good, so fucking good. But it was even better knowing that despite his apprehension earlier, Cesar was enjoying it just as much.

“Man, you thought I wouldn’t fit, but you’re taking it like a champ,” he sneered, giving one especially rough shove for emphasis, heat pooling in his belly from how Cesar practically squealed his name in response. He let his hands fall so his palms pressed into the bed at either side of Cesar’s shoulders, the smaller male’s lower body held up entirely by the pressure of Mark’s hips slamming into him. His upper body loomed over him, not able to take his eyes off the writhing mess of a man below him. “Yeah? That what you wanted?”

“Mark, I— fuck— I never knew how badly… haaah… how badly I needed this. How badly I needed you. ”

It took everything Mark had to not swoon and pass right the fuck out from the sheer speed the blood rushed out of his head and directly to his cock. “Enjoying it that much?”

“Yes, yes, oh God…” Cesar’s legs wrapped around Mark’s lower back to try to pull him in further with every snap of his hips. Mark’s movements shifted now and then to wherever Cesar tried to direct him, putting more pressure in different spots, changing his speed, each time asking ‘like this?’ and feeling a sense of satisfaction when it pleased his boyfriend.

Mark was losing his mind. And so was Cesar, the boy’s arms and legs all wrapped around Mark’s body. Each thrust had Cesar sobbing and hiccuping. Mark couldn’t help himself anymore, changing his speed and angle just to hear the different noises he could force out of those pretty lips. Long rolls of his hips had him pulling almost all the way out each time, fucking him slow and deep. 

But he knew he hit that spot when Cesar’s voice went up at least three whole octaves. “ Mmmmnnn, Mark, fuck!— I love you, I love you I love you I love you— ”

“ Nngh , Cesar,” he grunted out, moving his hands to caress both sides of Cesar’s face, his upper body falling forward and bringing them closer together. “I lo— God— I love you too, Cesar, love you so fucking much!...” 

Cesar mirrored Mark’s gesture, hands on his cheeks, pulling him down to muzzle them both with a deep kiss, refusing to let either of them come up for air. His orgasm had him screaming into Mark’s mouth, the brunette panting wildly through his nose feeling the already tight walls squeezing around him even harder. It blew Mark over the edge, spilling so deep inside of Cesar. He felt so good that he could swear that for just a second his soul left his body.

They rode through their orgasms, their bodies slowly coming to a stop. Even still they refused to separate, their bodies a tangle of limp arms and legs. When they finally peeled themselves apart, the two stared at each other for a while, trying to process what they’d just done together.

Mark broke the silence first. “Uh, hang on, I should clean up,” he stammered, grabbing some tissues and setting to work.

“Mark?” Cesar questioned, propping himself up on his elbows.

“Don’t worry about it babe, I’ll take care of it. You should just relax.”

“Are you okay?”

Mark wasn’t sure if he was okay or not, but for the sake of not leaving Cesar to worry, he was willing to lie about it. “I’m fine, really. I just need to think.”

“Mark.”

“Yes?...”

“Down here. With me. Please?” Cesar was huffing, still out of breath.

Oh. This was the part where he asks to cuddle, right? “Y-Yeah, sure thing. Sounds good. Let me just finish up here, okay?”

“No, Mark.” Cesar grabbed Mark by the hand, an unreadable and almost dangerous glint in his eyes. “I mean now.” The older male snatched the tissues and set them back where Mark found them, sloppily tossed on top of the box they came from. He threw his arms around Mark’s neck and pulled him back down on top of him.

“Uh—”

“Again. Now. ”