Chapter 2
Explaining away Jonah sleeping in her bed turned out to be easy. When the first sight Adam was met with was beer bottles strewn around the room and the fact that Jonah was blackout drunk, it was easy for him to accept that’s just where he ended up. Poor little Sarah had to sleep on the couch! There was no moving that lump of deadweight without Adam to help her.
“Whatever,” he grumbled, not caring enough to question it any further than that. He ripped into Jonah for the mess later when he woke up and everyone moved on with their lives. Even better, Jonah must not have remembered anything, since he didn’t say a word about that night.
A few days go by. Nothing out of the ordinary from Jonah. Only his usual cheery self.
And Sarah didn’t feel any less guilty about what she did.
The fact tore at her and made it impossible to keep up with her work. When she wasn’t forcing herself to be productive, she was laying in bed or on the couch and trying to get some sleep. She couldn’t feel the dull ache in her chest if she wasn’t awake to think about it. Thinking that she might actually like him like that didn’t help either. It made her feel worse knowing that she did that to someone she might have genuine feelings for. Someone who didn’t deserve to be taken advantage of, someone who was sweet and funny and already had to deal with Adam’s pissy attitude every day.
The fact that he didn’t remember it should have made it better, but it didn’t. Seeing his smiling face, smiling at her and only her and not Adam, treating her like nothing happened, all made her feel worse. She wished he did remember it so she would get what she deserved for it. Whatever he did would hurt less than getting away with it.
She could tell him what she did. But where would she even start? Casually bringing that up to him like it’s a normal conversation was a terrible idea.
And part of her was too afraid of what coming clean would mean for what they already had. She couldn’t risk not seeing that happy face anymore.
One day, both Adam and Jonah went out, though not together. Adam never told either of them what he was doing unless it was work related, but Jonah went out sometime after Adam left to get things from a convenience store. When he came back, a few plastic bags in hand, Sarah was lounging on the couch debating whether or not she should have a few drinks herself. She didn’t pay him any mind as he put away the microwavable freezer meals and skittered away into his own room—shared with Adam, when he was around—with one of the smaller bags. He came back out a few minutes later.
“Sarah?” Jonah was leaning over her, over the back of the couch. “Everything okay?”
“I’m fine.”
“You don’t look fine.”
“I’m tired, Jonah. Adam won’t do anything to help with the website.”
She heard his footsteps travel around the couch until he was sitting at her feet. “Is that really it?”
“...Yeah. Sorry, but can you—”
“Before you take your nap, can I show you something?”
She lifted her head. He wasn’t holding anything. “Show me what?”
“Can you get up for a second? It’s… It’s in my room. Sorry, I know you’re… tired.”
She grunted as she forced herself to stand, but she wasn’t going to complain or be mean to him about it. She just wasn’t worthy of his attention anymore and wished he would forget all about her. But it also meant she wasn’t in a position to tell him off and ignore him, so there was nothing to do but go along with it. She followed him to the room that he shared with Adam. Would share with Adam, anyway. Adam wanted as little to do with Jonah as possible. The two rarely slept in this room at the same time.
He closed the door behind her, making her spin around.
“Jonah, what are you?...”
“Um, listen, it’s just… it’s about the other night. I remember everything.”
“You do?” Her face paled. “Fuck, Jonah, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I never should have done that, I lost control of myself and took advantage of you, and I—”
She was cut off by him lunging forward, throwing his arms around her waist and kissing her deeply. Gasping for air as she pulled away, it took a second for her to process what just happened.
“Sarah, it’s okay.” One of the hands at her back stroked through her long brown hair. “I fuckin’ loved it. And I think I want to do it again.”
She was left dumbfounded. Completely speechless. Was this real? “Are you sure?”
“Fuck yeah, I’m sure. You were really something. Never expected someone so serious to be that good in bed.”
“But is it really okay? I mean, it’s technically rape, isn’t it? Actually, not technically, it is rape.”
“Forget about that. I’d agree with you if it was anyone else. But I’m telling you, that was one hell of a good time. Treated me like a king, too.”
“I don’t know about this, Jonah.”
“C’mon, don’t make the stuff I bought go to waste.”
“What are you talking about? What stuff?”
“You know. Stuff.”
Sarah just blinked, and Jonah knew he had to elaborate.
“Like… lube. Since I’m asking and all, I thought I should buy some? I also… kinda sorta… bought condoms.”
“Oh.” Sarah cast her eyes to the ground. “So you’re asking if we can… switch?”
“Yeah. If that’s okay.”
God, when would it end? After everything she did, Jonah not only wants more, but is taking her consent into account when she didn’t bother doing the same for him. It was all so disgustingly poetic.
But he knew much more than he let on. “Listen. I know that all this sleeping and moping around isn’t because you’ve been tired. You’re feeling bad about that shit. But I don’t want you to feel like that.”
She nodded. “Okay. It’s hard, but okay.”
He smiled. “I know. You’re a good girl. That’s why you feel that way.”
He started to get out everything they would need. The lube and condoms that were in the bag from the store, and also the strap that Sarah thought she put back in her drawer. With a stutter, he admitted that while Sarah was doing her brooding, he went through her things and hid the strap in his room.
“I’m not innocent either, babygirl.”
With a snort, she started to strip, Jonah stripping down with her. She put on the strap and Jonah flopped down onto his bed, inviting Sarah with open arms to join him. It wasn’t where she was meant to be, or at least she didn’t think so, but Jonah wasn’t going to take that for an answer anymore. If he thought she deserved this, then did she have a place to argue? She also couldn’t help what being called “babygirl” did to her. When Jonah said it, it sent a wave of complicated emotions through her that she didn’t know if she wanted to confront or run away from.
This one time, maybe she would confront them. Fall into his arms, as she found herself already doing without thinking, despite all logic that said this shouldn’t be happening. Jonah was supposed to hate her. Forgiveness wasn’t what she deserved, but he willingly gave it up. To her, to Adam, to everyone who didn’t deserve it.
His hands were warm on her nearly bare back. They were comforting. She didn’t realize how tense the muscles in her back and shoulders were until they were under his touch and all the tension melted away. Fingers teased at the back of her bra as he kissed her again, chuckling happily at the way she shuddered and held her breath each time his fingers made like they were going to unhook the bra. Sarah grit her teeth. She was getting impatient. Just hurry up and take it off already! She was quietly begging him with her eyes, thinking that maybe she should have done it herself instead of leaving it up to him only because it would have been hot to let him undress her.
Then he finally does it, giving Sarah the biggest shit-eating grin. But how could she ever be annoyed with him? She wasn’t Adam. The fun attitude that made Adam hate Jonah was what made Sarah think she just might love him.
All the skin of her bare breasts was exposed and pressed against Jonah’s skin, feeling all the warmth of his chest. His hands traced every inch of her body—up and down her back, her arms, then kissing her again as he cupped a hand over one of her breasts. Massaging it in gentle circles, his thumb ghosting over her nipple, making her moan into his mouth before she finally pulled away for a breath.
“A sweet little virgin boy has no business being good at this.”
“Ouch. Didn’t need to go that far,” he laughs, shuffling himself upright a bit. “But, you know… I’m not really a virgin anymore. Thanks to you.”
Sarah blushed. “That doesn’t count.”
“What?! Why not?”
“It just… It doesn’t!”
“Fine. This time’s for real then.”
The pout on her face melted away when he pinched one of her nipples between his fingers. That didn’t have any right to feel so good! But when it was Jonah’s hands touching her, she was sure she would enjoy anything. And if by some chance she didn’t like it, she probably wouldn’t say anything. She would let him do whatever he wanted. Isn’t that what she did to him? Took what she wanted, not caring how he would have felt about it?
Pulling away from the kiss, she scooted back until she could push Jonah’s legs apart. With a lube-coated finger she started to open him up; there was no way to know how well he’d take this when he wasn’t drunk and pliable. Jonah hissed quietly at the entry and gripped his pillow in both hands. His hips shifted down, toward the intrusion, forcing her finger in deeper.
“Daaaamn, Sarah… Speed things up a little. You’re such a tease.”
A tease, huh? Someone was getting impatient. Now wasn’t the time to play around, she had no right, but there was no fighting the urge. With the same smug grin that Jonah gave her earlier, she slowly pushed in a second finger. She teased the inside of his thigh close to his groin, watching goosebumps rise on his arms. It was all so interesting to watch. To think she could do this to a man when he wasn’t even drunk! Or maybe she could only do this to Jonah. Maybe Jonah was just special.
His impatient whimpering was starting to make her feel bad, though. Leaving him waiting for too long would be cruel, and something that he should do to her one of these days as payback for her crimes. She leaned back, positioning herself. “You’re sure you want to do this?”
“Ask me again and I’m riding you myself.”
She took her head with an exasperated smile. He really was too much, but she loved it. She applied a second handful of lube and gently pressed the tip of the dildo into his entrance, then deeper, pulling a louder, sharper hiss from between his teeth.
“Too much?”
“No way. Keep going. Please?” There was a high lilt to his voice on the please, like he was trying to make the way he asked sound cute. Which, to Sarah, it was. He was cute.
Well, if he says so…
Jonah was moaning openly when Sarah started to slowly thrust in and out of him. Not as loud or fake-sounding as the last time, but a little more restrained, yet somehow also not. This was the real Jonah. Or was it really? Wouldn’t it make sense that the things you say and do when you’re drunk are your hidden thoughts? But then again, the whole “lack of judgment while drunk” thing, and all that stuff. But it occurred to Sarah that Jonah’s decision-making when sober might not be that different. Concerning, but still cute.
“Fuck, feels even better now… and it’s supposed to be even better when you’re high. Next time I’ll have to take some edibles.”
Sarah winced. “Please don’t.”
“Too soon?”
Sarah nodded. He shrugged.
“Oh well.”
He was so nonchalant about all this. How could he be? How could anyone be so laid back about something like that? Anyone else would have felt violated, but Jonah… Jonah just didn’t care. Did he care about anything?
A few deep strokes had him wailing and clawing at her back.
No, I don’t think he does, she thought. Maybe he really didn’t care about anything other than keeping his job. That was questionable, too.
Her thrusts changed to short and shallow movements that made him whimper. “Wait, go back to what you were just doing…”
“This?”
She went back to those long and deep strokes. Right away he was digging his nails into her skin again and throwing his head back onto the pillow with a loud groan.
“That’s the shit right there, god fucking damn.”
He let out a huff of breath with every pump of her hips. This already felt good from how the toy rubbed against her, but seeing him like this and knowing she was giving him what he wanted made it feel better. She wanted Jonah, and she wanted him to feel good. And through the guilt she wanted to do this again if he would let her.
If he could forgive her, then just this once she would forgive herself and resolve to never do what she did ever again.
She wanted to watch his face. Feel him, hear him, touch him. Jonah’s dick was hard and leaking against his navel, and she couldn’t stop herself from rubbing it up and down in her palm. The way it throbbed in her hand sent fresh waves of arousal down her body. To think that anyone could feel like that for her… and she never even knew he wanted her this bad.
All too quickly it was over; Jonah came suddenly and without warning, his body tensing and wrapping itself tighter against Sarah without him thinking about it. They were sweaty, tired, and out of breath. She didn’t get to finish this time, but she’d live with that. It was still worth it if only to make up for past wrongs.
But then Jonah started sitting up and took the strap off of Sarah and threw it to the side. Before she had a chance to question what he was up to, he propped her up into his lap. She watched in a confused and rosy haze as he unwrapped a condom and started to roll it onto himself.
Oh. She was starting to wonder when the condoms would come into play.
“...Uh, wait, you don’t mind, right?”
Ready to go again, that soon?! Weakly she shook her head. “I don’t. I don’t mind. Please, Jonah.”
Her breath caught in her throat at the feeling of his fingers dipping into her folds. He let out a breathy curse under his breath. “Shit, you’re already so wet. You liked fucking my ass that much?”
“I liked making you feel good.”
“Mm? You really are such a good girl.” He hummed happily while letting his thumb rub in slow circles against her clit, making her hips buck forward on their own to chase after the friction.
“ Ah– Oh, fuck, Jonah! ”
“Now it’s my turn to make you feel good. Just relax and tell me if anything hurts.”
Not only was it his turn to make her feel good, but it was also his turn to torture her. Make her wait, the same way she did to him. He was having a blast dipping his fingers in and out of her sopping wet folds, making a few shallow strokes with a finger before taking it out and running it against the lips and clit again.
“I don’t— haaah, fuck —I don’t think I need any more foreplay. I think I’m wet enough.”
“Who said I was doing this to get you wet?” His middle finger pushed its way in up to the last knuckle and he let the palm of his hand press against her bud. “You were really on to something. Seeing you make that face is getting me all riled. Actually, fuck it, I can’t wait.”
Neither can I, Sarah thought.
They shifted around until she was on her knees hovering over him, the tip of his cock barely nudging into her wet heat. He felt much bigger than he looked, and it took her some time to slide down to his base. Jonah didn’t rush her or force her to move things along, only looked at her with that playful and loving look that struck a nerve in Sarah’s heart.
“Careful babygirl, you might fall for me.”
“Too late,” she admitted. She cupped his cheeks in her hands and pulled him closer, and he didn’t object when she kissed him. His lips weren’t soft; pretty chapped and dry in fact, but she didn’t care because they were his. Internally she questioned what they were to each other. And if it was something more than friends, would they go public with it? Would they tell Adam? How would they tell Adam?
Evelin might find this funny though, the more she thought about it. Besides being happy for Sarah of course. Everyone knew Adam’s vocal dislike-bordering-on-hate for Jonah, and at this point Evelin would love to see someone stick it to the bastard. Imagining his reaction to his mostly-tolerable coworker dating his most hated person in the world made her giggle against Jonah’s lips. She didn’t realize she was doing it until she felt Jonah giggling back against hers.
“Something funny?”
“Adam will be pissed.”
“He doesn’t have to know.”
“But that’s what’s funny. If he did know.”
“Maybe it would be,” he said with a coy grin, starting to buck his hips up into Sarah, making her let out a gasp that fell into a stream of excited moans. “Don’t wanna think about him now though, not when I’m in bed with such a pretty thing.”
Her fingers tangled themselves in the hair on the back of his head. Who was she to make comments about him being a virgin? If the last time didn’t count for him then it didn’t count for her either, and this was just as much her first time too. And it would show with how loud she was, her moans echoing off the bare walls. Don’t let Adam walk in through that front door now, she was praying to God, because if he does he’ll hear everything.
Jonah seemed to be holding himself together with much more grace. Quieter than Sarah, though repeating her name like a mantra with his forehead pressed against her neck as she rode him in his lap in a desperate frenzy.
That “grace” did not last long.
Sarah suddenly found herself with her back to the foot of the bed. Jonah loomed over her, changing their positions so smoothly that he wasn’t forced to pull out of her. It was so quick that she didn’t realize what happened until she was already there, a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it. Any control she had over their pace was taken from her, all of it now in Jonah’s hands.
“Sorry baby,” he said, genuinely apologetic. “Can’t take it anymore.”
She wasn’t sure what he meant until he doubled his body over until his face was slotted firmly into the side of her neck and he started pistoning his hips into her with brutal force and strained growls. If Sarah was loud before then she had to be screaming now, but she couldn’t tell with the overload of things happening around and to her. There was so much noise that wasn’t coming from her—Jonah’s groans and runts rivaling her in volume, the wet slapping of skin on skin, the shuffling of the blankets and sheets—on top of the electricity ripping through her cunt, all the way up her spine and making her head swim… Adam could walk right into the bedroom at that moment, and she probably wouldn’t notice.
It was her turn to leave scratches in his back as she struggled to come to grips with everything that was happening to her. At least the position they were in meant Sarah didn’t have to worry about what she was supposed to be doing; she was expected to submit and let Jonah have his way, however rough it might be. There were no thoughts in her mind beyond the pleasure, no matter how hard she tried to think of something else.
Fine with her. Why would she want to, anyway?
Neither of them could hold out for much longer. Sarah wrapped her legs around Jonah’s waist in a wordless plea to keep going. The hands at her hips lifted them up off the bed. The change in angle brought everything to the edge, and she was gone. With one final cry of his name she was spasming around his cock, the sudden tightness too much for Jonah to handle. He managed a few more stuttered thrusts as he came hard into the condom.
Jonah carefully pulled himself out and let himself fall onto his back. “Holy shit. Sarah, I…”
Sarah was left panting and sweaty. Her eyelids felt heavy now, and she let them close. She could barely speak above a whisper. Too tired and too hoarse. “Don’t. It’s okay.”
For a while, there was no sound in that room except for their heavy breathing.
With a grunt, he sat up and started to work the condom off, leaning over and burying it deep into the trash bin so Adam wouldn’t see it. Sarah wasn’t sure where to go from here. She’d never been in a… relationship. Is that what this was? Did he want this to be a relationship? Or were they friends with benefits now? She was honestly afraid to ask in fear that she’d hate the answer she got.
Jonah was the first to speak again. He sat at the edge of the bed, pulling his underwear back on. “I think we should call it a night. Before Adam gets back and sees this before we’re ready to tell him.”
“If we tell him.”
“Yeah. If we tell him.”
That was it, then. Despite the feelings bubbling to the surface, he probably didn’t feel like that toward her. Maybe she should ask and put the feelings to rest, or clear up the misunderstanding if there was one. Oh, how she hoped it was—
She was swept off the bed in one fluid motion, still naked, carried bridal style in Jonah’s arms. It was a surprise to her, or at least it was until she could tell that his legs were trembling under the strain.“C’mon. I’ll help you get comfortable in your bed, just like you did for me. I’ll take care of everything else.”
He carried her to her room and gently set her down on her bed, pulling the covers over her. She leaned her head back into her pillow and was about to let herself drift off. Her eyes snapped back open at the sound of one of her dresser drawers being opened. There was Jonah, digging through her clothes, and she was about to stop him and ask just what the hell he thought he was doing until he laid out some clean clothes at the foot of her bed.
“I’m putting these here for you. For later. Y’know, when you get up. Maybe you’d get cold or something when you got out of bed, I don’t know.”
Oh. He was so bashful all of a sudden. How could she focus on how he knew where all her stuff was when he was that cute?
“Jonah?”
He turned to look at her from over his shoulder. “Yeah?”
Sarah swallowed hard. “...What are we?”
“I don’t know what you mean,” he said. The faint darkening flush of his cheeks, so slight that Sarah almost didn’t notice, said otherwise.
“Don’t make me say it. I don’t want to be the idiot who isn’t on the same page.”
He was staring blankly into the drawer with his hand on the handle. “Or maybe I’m the idiot who isn’t on the same page.”
“Jonah?”
The drawer slammed shut. “Hey, Sarah. Why don’t we go somewhere tomorrow? Whatever Adam has planned, I’ll tell him to fuck off and give us the day to ourselves.”
“Like… a date?”
“Yeah. A date. We’ll figure out where in the morning. Uh, if you want. I’m not forcing you or anything.”
Sarah fidgeted with the edge of the blanket between her fingers. She pulled on a stray thread. “You don’t have to force me. I’d like to go somewhere for once.”
He smiled and stood upright. “Cool. Then… goodnight, Sarah. I’ll go clean up all the stuff we used. And the sheets. See you in the morning.”
He turned the light out and slowly closed the door as he left, making as little noise as he could just in case Adam had come home without them noticing. Leaving Sarah alone. With only her thoughts and the dark room. If only Jonah could share her bed with her, but now wasn’t the time. When would it ever be? The more she thought about it, the more she wanted to rip the bandage off and let Adam know what was between her and Jonah, and tell him that if he didn’t like it he could shove it up his ass. Who was he to decide anything? She made BPS! She was the boss here!
But at least now she could sleep without wanting to cry about what felt like the real possibility that Jonah didn’t feel the same way. Instead she could fall asleep to the fantasy of being held by him with her back against his chest and his face against her neck. Part of her still felt as though she didn’t deserve it. But with the promise of warmer nights with him on the horizon, it calmed her worries enough that she finally found real sleep for the first time in days.
