Love Me Harder

What the fuck am I even doing?

Staring up at the ceiling from his bed, Mark berated himself for being such a goddamn idiot. Half of his body was slumping off the side as if he were melting, too focused on counting the tiny dots on his ceiling to pull himself together. It was a more important matter, he decided, than what he actually needed to be doing. And what he needed to be doing was calling up Cesar and asking him to come over while he still had the nerve. If he didn’t, wouldn’t the effort he put into getting that be wasted? Plus, the money was already spent…

His head fell to the side, and his eyes settled on a gaudy shopping bag with a large, colorful logo detailed on the front. It was what that time and effort were spent on — a small handful of sex toys that he’d been debating buying for weeks.

That is, if he considered getting himself off to the thought of using those things on his boyfriend to be “debating”.

It took him forever to work up the courage to actually go out and buy them (after, of course, whipping up a fake ID just in case he got carded at the shop), and it was just as embarrassing as he thought it would be. How do people even…do that? Just go out to an adult shop, and buy freaky shit in front of a store clerk, who will definitely forever associate your face with said freaky shit?

But against his better judgment, he still managed to drive down to the shop, pick out the items while in public where anyone could see him, pay for them (while making as little eye contact with the clerk as possible because fuck no), and carry the bag out to his car and drive home.

All out in the open. In broad daylight. 

Mark wished he’d at least brought a backpack or something to put the stuff in, so he wouldn’t have to awkwardly turn the logo side of the bag towards himself to hide it from unwanted, prying eyes. Random strangers on the street did not need to know what he was about to get up to at home. 

If he could manage to do all that, why was he stopping to overthink it now? The hard part was already over, all he had to do was call his boyfriend and ask if he wanted to… try something. After all, what was the worst that could happen? If Cesar wasn’t interested, he’d just say no. It’s not like he would just break up with Mark on the spot for asking, but his mind was racing and giving him all these awful scenarios where it goes horribly wrong. It was a little embarrassing to just come right out and ask, though…

What if he thinks I’m weird? … Well, I guess if that would be an issue, it would have come up already.

After all, they’ve fucked a good handful of times before, albeit without toys involved. They’ve begun exploring that side of each other already, so far without issue or judgment. If they were going to be together, that was a bridge they would need to cross eventually.

It’s also not like the things Mark bought were all that fringe, to be fair. In the grand scheme of things, he was pretty vanilla. If either of them were the type to suggest downright weird shit, it was probably going to be Cesar, considering new sexual escapades before now were always his idea. Nothing super crazy (yet), but Mark couldn’t help but feel it didn’t take long at all for Cesar to start begging Mark to pull his hair, leave love bites all over his body, and lots of things that he never expected to come out of the mouth of a man who would seemingly rather die than wear anything other than dressy button-up shirts.

That turned out fine… but soon after that, he suggested Mark try choking him. Cesar quickly discovered he wasn’t into it at all — and thank God, Mark thought, because nothing ever made him more nervous than doing that to him and fretting that he was going to seriously hurt him. The only thoughts that would run through his head were all of accidentally gripping Cesar’s throat for just a moment too long, possibly killing his boyfriend mid-fuck… no thanks.

Repressed memories aside, the less-than-gentle self-reminder that his boyfriend was probably secretly a huge freak helped him work up the nerve to get out of bed and drag his feet towards the phone at his desk. If Cesar found it so easy to just come right out and ask, then there’s no reason why he couldn’t do it too, he figured.

The worst he could say is no. The worst he could say is no! He’ll just say no, and then rope me into doing some new shit he saw in a dirty magazine. I’ll get to spend time with him either way.

Resolved to see how far he could take this, Mark slowly dialed Cesar’s number. The sound of the dial tone as he waited for Cesar to pick up the phone felt like the only sound in the world to him, and it left him fidgeting and nervous. When he’d finally spaced out enough to stop letting it intimidate him, he heard the distinct click of the phone being picked up on the other end. The sound of Cesar’s voice brought him crashing back to ground level.

“Hey, what’s up?”

“Hey Cesar, uh…it’s Mark.” He cleared his throat, realizing too late this was the worst time for him to do that. “Are you busy right now? Or in the next few days?”

There was a short pause before Cesar answered. “Not really, man, no. Why?”

“Well, um… did you want to come over for a bit and…”

Cesar cut him off with a low chuckle. “Let me guess. Got something interesting waiting for me?”

Mark nearly choked, struggling to regain his composure that he didn’t really have in the first place. “Shit, dude, I… I mean, what makes you think that?”

On the other end, Cesar was barely suppressing his amusement, reveling in the fact that his boyfriend was such an open book to him. “Why else would you want me to come to your house? You usually come over to mine, but we never get up to anything since we have no privacy, what with my mom coming and going without warning.” Mark didn’t know, but Cesar was grinning from ear to ear. “We only ever do funny stuff at your place. You live alone. It sounds like you have something you’re just dying to share with me.”

Mark nearly whimpered at the sudden suave inflection and tone in his voice, and he thanked God that he could hold it back or else he’d never hear the end of it. Why did Cesar have to know him so well, and why did he have to rub it in like that? The notion that Cesar had an idea of what was waiting for him was getting Mark a little excited… and thinking with his dick made him a little braver. “It doesn’t sound like you’re against it. You coming?”

“Oh, I’ll be coming, alright…”

Mark inhaled sharply, surely loud enough for Cesar to hear it this time. Whether or not he was up for what he had in mind, he knew he was in for a good fuck anyway. “Nice. When did you—”

“I’ll be there tonight.”

“W-What?—”

“I can stay the night if you want.”

“Cesar?”

“Don’t disappoint me, big boy.”

Before Mark could cough up a response, Cesar’s flirting was followed by a click from the phone, then silence, leaving him dumbfounded and half-hard in his sweatpants.

“He didn’t even wait for me to tell him what it was.”

Mark was forced to learn against his will that when Cesar says tonight, what he actually means is right now . The guy gave Mark barely an hour to make his house look like it’s being lived in by something alive before Cesar showed up at his door. Alright, maybe he should have been keeping up with his housekeeping, and maybe he should have cleaned up a bit before even calling Cesar in the first place, but whatever. Hindsight is 20/20. 

No sooner did Mark open the door did Cesar practically force his way inside, yanking the door the rest of the way open himself as soon as he saw it open so much as a crack. Mark was jerked forward from the door being flung open while he was still holding onto the doorknob, then flung backward as Cesar flew into him and wrapped his arms around his neck with enough speed and force that it threatened to throw him onto his back. If Cesar were a bigger guy, by even just a little bit, that would have been a skull fracture waiting to happen.

“Sorry I ran a little late, but I’m here!”

Mark craned his head down so he could kiss the smaller man on the cheek. He wanted to stop and take a real long drag of his smell, but his pride forced him to have just a little decorum with his boyfriend, especially considering they were standing in front of Mark’s open door. Besides, Cesar just got here, so that would make him look pathetic. “Dude, late? When you said tonight, I thought that meant tonight tonight.”

“Isn’t it tonight enough?”

“Whatever you say.” Mark rolled his eyes, pretending that he wasn’t eyeing Cesar up and really drinking in everything about his appearance. All clean and pretty, with a gentle sheen in his hair that told Mark that he’d showered before coming here. Cesar must have dropped everything to get ready as soon as he hung up the phone, and the thought made Mark feel…all different types of ways. It was almost a little annoying, but at the same time, he really appreciated the thought.

Must be why he smells so damn good all the time, Mark thought.

Apparently he must have been caught staring just a little too long, since Cesar took it upon himself to grab Mark’s face in his hands and pull him down for a kiss, smiling against his lips when he felt him return in kind. He knew that Mark being a little standoffish was all a ploy, a way to make it look like he wasn’t as painfully horny as Cesar. 

And he knew it well enough that Mark’s prickly attitude only encouraged him to push his buttons on purpose. What could be more exciting than breaking his facade and watching the man fall apart in front of him?

So he took it a step further, forcing his tongue between Mark’s lips, starting to explore the inside of his mouth and curiously watching for his reaction. Mark gladly fell into it, wrestling Cesar’s tongue with his own. Not able to hold himself back anymore, Mark reached forward and slammed the door shut behind Cesar; Sure, he lived alone, but that didn’t mean he was willing to put on a show for any nosy neighbors.

This wasn’t the exact result that Cesar was going for, but he couldn’t stop himself from making pleased sounds into the taller man’s mouth, his breath stuttering at the feeling of a hand traveling down until it stopped at the small of his back and rubbing him gently. What he really wanted was for Mark to become so flustered that he didn’t know what to do, letting the older male take advantage and do as he pleased with Mark's body. Not that Cesar was complaining, oh heavens no , but he would be lying if he told himself that he didn’t occasionally fantasize about being the one in control.

Physically, anyway. There wasn’t a single doubt anywhere in his mind that he wasn’t the one leading Mark along, a kiss here and a touch there just to elicit interesting responses from his boyfriend. 

Trying to spur him on more, Cesar dropped one of his hands to trail his palm down Mark’s chest, stopping to rub his pecs in slow, gentle circles. He peeked an eye open to get a read on Mark’s reaction, but those pretty eyes of his were still shut in deep concentration as he ran his tongue over Cesar’s teeth. It still clearly did something to him though, Cesar watching intently as Mark’s breathing sped up while he pressed himself in closer and closer until Cesar’s back was shoved up against the door. Breathing heavily, he conceded to let Mark continue to take the lead, shuddering as he felt a hand burying itself in the hair on the back of his head.

 Knowing that he could get Mark worked up like this was enough. It made him desperate, painfully straining against his pants. Perfectly happy, knowing he was capable of getting Mark increasingly riled up until the dams broke, at one point to where Mark simply bent him over the nearest piece of furniture. How could Cesar complain about his role in their sex life when getting roughed up turned him on so much?

That was a fun night. I should ask him to do that to me again sometime, he thought to himself, already playing out a scenario of it in his mind. Being taken back into Mark’s bedroom, bent over his desk, pinned down by the shoulders… Their activities for next time were already decided, just the thought of it making Cesar’s cock throb.

“Damn, dude. Could you be any hornier? ” Mark was looking down at him with a mischievous, knowing grin. Somehow Cesar had completely forgotten that their bodies were pressed flush up against one another, and they could both feel each other’s erections through the layers of fabric. It was Cesar’s turn to get all flustered and bashful, realizing that Mark could feel his pulse pounding even through both of their pants. “Didn’t know you were that happy to see me.”

Wanting to take back control of the situation, the hand rubbing at Mark’s chest slowly sank lower down his body, fingertips grazing over his belly until they settled on his crotch, feeling his hips buck forward slightly, as if begging for more. Mark’s chance to be smug was short and fleeting, and already long gone. “You’re really…gunning for it today, aren’t you?”

With a happy little hum, Cesar started grinding his palm against the crotch of Mark’s sweats. A gasp from Mark made him raise an eyebrow, taking it a step further by grabbing and rubbing at the outline that formed whenever he pressed down hard enough. “Holy fucking shit , Cesar…”

Now this was everything Cesar wanted. Mark pressing his forehead against his, breathing heavily and gasping with need every time he squeezed him just right, erratically jerking his hips towards his curious hand… He felt a purr in the back of his throat as the hand at the back of his head grabbed a handful of his black hair. Everything was so perfect. Mark was perfect. “What’s the matter? Too much for you—aaAHH…”

The feeling of his ass being grabbed shut him up, his voice rising to a surprised moan. The hand Mark left at his lower back was now groping him and feeling him up, knocking Cesar down a peg once again.

“That was a nice sound. Been holding that one in for a while?” Mark wanted to give Cesar a taste of his own medicine, if only to cover up the fact that Cesar’s voice making that sound was enough to make his dick twitch. But there was no more time for that, not now that Cesar, in his aroused haze, was aggressively rutting himself against Mark, the hand that was on his dick now digging into his hip and trying to pull him closer. There was no more taunting, no more teasing; just Cesar making the most pitiful noises and crashing his lips onto Mark’s. His little game was over, he lost, and he wanted Mark to hurry up and take him before he blew a load just from rubbing himself against Mark’s crotch. “Mark, please— ”

Something in Mark snapped.

The speed that Mark pulled himself away and started dragging Cesar off to his bedroom by the wrist was enough that he could swear he had whiplash now. He put up no resistance though, keeping pace with him as they tore down the hallway. He wouldn’t admit it because he had way more self-control than Mark, but even just the feeling of Mark squeezing his wrist and being so rough with him was making his head spin. 

The realization hit him that he was finally getting what he wanted. Bullying Mark now would only make it so much better .

“Don’t know what you’re about to do to me… But I can’t wait to find out.”