Double Life

Cesar went out of his way to make sure he wasn’t a walking stereotype.

Not in the way he dressed, or the way he spoke. That was easy; he didn’t dress or talk “like that”, so to speak. Not that he would be ashamed if he did, but that wasn’t the point. For his own good, he had to be certain that nothing, nothing, would give him away.

None of it mattered. He still came across as effeminate to many, somehow. Just having well-kept pretty black locks was enough for some to cast accusations at him. That slim waist of his wasn’t doing him any favors, either. What sense did that make? He couldn’t help that. His body was just like that. That was all it took for rumors to spread about him being gay, forcing him to endure mocking stares in his direction at all times, eagerly waiting for him to slip up so they would finally have proof of it.

Sure, the rumors were true, but that was the problem. If they got their proof, that would be bad for him.

So Cesar did what any desperate gay teenager would do in this situation: “date” girls to get himself off the radar.

But for the longest time, Mark didn’t realize that was what he was doing. He wasn’t the type to believe stupid rumors, especially not ones about his best friend, so he was also fooled by Cesar’s scheme. A shame, though; while nobody suspected him of being into guys, Mark was pretty sure he was bisexual himself. The realization came not long after puberty when he finally started to notice the features of his best friend’s body, and he caught himself on many occasions staring at Cesar’s backside whenever he walked with his back turned to Mark. There was a gentle sway of the hips as he walked that awakened something dwelling in the back of Mark’s mind, and from that point on he fantasized about what it would be like to wrap his hands around Cesar’s waist and use that as leverage to just fuck him raw.

It made him guilty to think about his best friend like that, but he just couldn’t help it. No matter how hard he tried to push the thoughts away, those raging hormones wouldn’t let it happen. He thought with time he would get better, but that was years ago. Mark and Cesar were now in their senior year of high school, and it hadn’t gotten any better for him.

He was sure it was time to give up on his dreams when he saw Cesar with his arm wrapped around the waist of some girl they shared a class with. Hell, he couldn’t even remember her name. It stung like hell, but Mark knew he just had to live with it. Cesar probably wasn’t actually into guys anyway. If he was, he was already taken, at least for now, so it didn’t even matter. He would just have to try to be happy for his best friend, even if he was jerking himself off every night to the thought of exploring his body.

Then he started turning up with a new girl every few weeks. Cesar had never done anything like this before, he wasn’t some… lady killer. He was good-looking and charming (by Mark’s standards, of course), but he was never the type to go running around hitting on girls. It didn’t come between their friendship, but Mark wouldn’t lie… he was jealous. Jealous of all those girls who got to have him.

It wasn’t fair.

As he passed by him in the hallway between classes, Cesar grabbed Mark’s shoulder to get his attention and asked him in a hushed voice to wait for him at Mark’s car when it was time to go home. Apparently, he told his mom that Mark would drive him home today. Sometimes he did, though usually with a little more notice.

When Cesar met up with him, he looked… nervous. Paranoid. Looking over his shoulder like he thought someone might be watching him.

“What’s up? Everything okay?” Mark asked. At first, he considered snarking the guy for taking time out of his busy schedule of smooching girls to talk to him, but something was wrong here.

“I don’t know yet.”

“Yet?”

He motioned toward the car. “Inside first?”

Whatever it was that Cesar wanted to tell him, he didn’t want anyone else to overhear. He unlocked the car and the two climbed in, with Mark in the driver’s seat and Cesar in the passenger seat. Mark started up the car just to get the AC running and waited for Cesar, who was leaning back in his seat and spacing out. He’d never seen him look so out of it.

“Cesar, whatever’s wrong, I promise you can tell m—”

“I’m gay, Mark.”

Mark stared in disbelief. Was this a joke? Was he being serious?

“You’re… wait, really?”

Cesar looked straight ahead through the windshield without turning to look at Mark. “Yeah. Really.”

Where was he supposed to start? Just… where? There was a long moment of silence between the two, and the longer it went on the more he could tell that Cesar was getting anxious to know how Mark would react. “But what about all those girls you’ve been chasing?”

“Pretending I like girls so I don’t get my ass beat. I feel bad for leading them on, but with the way things were going, a hospital visit was in my future.” He chuckled and leaned back against the seat again, closing his eyes like he was about to drift off to sleep. Now that Mark took a closer look, he did look exhausted. If this was all an act, it must have been tiring for Cesar to keep up. “God. This is probably so weird for you. I hope you don’t think I’m, like, looking to hit on you or something.”

“No, it’s not weird,” Mark started, gripping the steering wheel like he’d fall through the earth to his death if he let go of it. He had to shoot his shot now, but his heart was pounding out of his chest. “Actually, I, um… I’d like it if you did.”

Cesar’s eyes shot open. “You what? ”

“I’ve had a bit of a crush on you since… maybe freshman year?”

Cesar started stammering, not sure how to begin his next sentence. Then he looked out all the windows anxiously before turning back to the brunette in the driver’s seat.

“Mark?”

He felt dizzy. “Y…Yeah?”

“Drive this fucking car.”

Things got heated as soon as the front door slammed shut behind them. Right as Mark turned around to face Cesar again, a soft pair of lips were smashed into his own. The realization quickly hit Mark that this was his first kiss, and he was sharing it with Cesar. It was finally happening, and he was caught completely unprepared. When he felt Cesar start to move away, he pulled him back in with a hand on the back of his head, earning a surprised squeak from the older boy. When they finally pulled away again, a light blush dusted both of their faces.

“Sorry, Ces. I guess I just wanted the moment to last a little longer.”

“It’s okay. I liked it,” he said, letting his fingers trail down Mark’s arms before moving to walk past him. “I should call my mom and let her know we’re here. What are we doing after?”

The answer Mark wanted to give was probably too forward and aggressive considering the two just confessed their feelings not even twenty-five minutes ago. It was torture, but he’d wait until he knew Cesar was ready for that.

“Same as always. Movies and snacks. Just refilled the pantry the other day.” Like always, he found himself staring at Cesar’s hips as he walked toward the wall-mounted phone in the kitchen. 

No. Bad. Stop that. Not yet.

“Aw, nothing romantic?”

“I don’t know the first thing about what’s ‘romantic’ or whatever the fuck. But I guess we can cuddle under some blankets while we hang out now. I’ve kind of always wanted to do that.”

“That sounds romantic enough for me. Whatever makes you happy.”

Now that Mark knew what was happening, he couldn’t feel jealous of those girls anymore. They had no idea that Cesar was cheating on them with a guy. Mark knew he should feel bad about it, but in all honesty, a lot of them would probably join in making Cesar’s life a living hell if they ever found out he was into men. Regardless of the whole “cheating” thing. They eventually lost their virginity to each other and after that, Mark could feel the breeze up on his high horse. No girl was ever going to see that side of him, because he wasn’t attracted to them for real. It was all an act, a phony display of high school puppy love to cover his own ass, all while Mark got to experience the real thing.

Nope. He wasn’t jealous, and he didn’t pity them one bit.

Not until the girl in question was his sister. He’d have to have a stern talk with Cesar about that.

He waited until the next time he was supposed to drive Cesar home, and once both doors slammed shut, he was raring to go. Big Brother Mode activated.

“Alright. Cesar? What the fuck.”

Cesar stopped in the middle of putting on his seatbelt. “Uh?”

“The fuck do you think you’re doing, ‘dating’ my sister? You’re going to hurt her.”

“Hurt her?” Cesar reeled back like it was the most offensive thing anyone had ever said to him. “I wouldn’t do that, not on purpose. You know that.”

Mark leaned back in his seat and crossed his arms. “Dude. You’re already cheating on her. You realize that, right? We are literally dating. We’re having corny romantic moonlight-streaming-in-through-the-open-window sex every fucking weekend. Which she doesn’t know about.”

Cesar mirrored the motion of leaning back in his seat, his ego deflated. “Oh. Right. I guess that does count as cheating.”

“You’re dating her brother while she thinks you’re giving her all your attention. That’s literally cheating.”

“But I cheated on those other girls, too.”

“I get that, and I know you’re just trying to not get your ass beat, but it feels a little too close to home when it’s Sarah. How can I comfort her after a breakup when I’ve been fucking that same ex-boyfriend behind her back the entire time? Hell, she’ll kill me if she finds out I’m fucking her guy.”

“Can we cross that bridge when we get to it? For now, she’s just stoked because she’s a sophomore dating a senior. That’s a huge status thing, or some weird shit like that. I don’t know what goes through their heads.”

“I know, I know. Alright, we’ll worry about it when it becomes a problem. Just try not to do anything else that might hurt her feelings, okay? Treat her with more class than those other girls you picked up like pocket change.”

Cesar grabbed and patted Mark’s hand. “I promise. I won’t treat her wrong. Wouldn’t want to piss off Big Bro.”

“Good. Staying at my house today, or straight home?”

“Home. Got things to catch up on, I completely spaced out in English class. Maybe we’ll have a little fun next week?”

Mark snorted. He knew what that meant. “Looking forward to it.”

When they passed through Mark’s bedroom door in a flurry of tongue-heavy kisses, they left a trail of shed clothing in their wake on their way to the bed. Cesar giggled when Mark pushed him down onto the bed and landed on top of him, the two boys feeling each other up and whispering sweet nothings of all the filthy, depraved things they were about to do to each other. They took their time with the foreplay, Cesar squeaking and mewling happily as Mark kissed and licked just under his jawline, ran his nails down his sides, and let his aching hard-on press against Cesar’s body just to constantly remind him how excited he made the brunette feel. He loved the way Cesar shuddered and shook with every little tender touch. The tension was enough to have him panting and sweating just from the intensity of the foreplay. He never wanted this to end.

Then they heard the front door open and slam. Then Sarah’s voice.

“Shit, shit, shit,” Mark panicked, both of the boys flying out of bed and scrambling for their clothes. Mark ran to the door and locked it right as footsteps could be heard running excitedly up the stairs. 

Pounding at the door made Cesar nearly leap out of his skin.

“Mark! Why’s your door locked?”

“Oh, hey, Sarah!” He laughed nervously. “Sorry, can you just give me a second to get changed and…” he glanced over at Cesar, already dressed, who was at the window and motioning that he needed to open it. Whatever the guy was up to, Mark had to trust that he had some kind of plan and cover for him. “...and I gotta open the window real quick. It’s fuckin’ hot and gross in here. One sec!” He threw his clothes back on and opened up the window. Cesar took a cautious glance out the window, left, then right, before stepping out onto the roof shingles on the low section of the roof on the other side. Mark mouthed an ‘are you fucking insane?’ at him, but he just shrugged and ducked away just out of sight.

God fucking damn it. Please don’t fall, you idiot.

Mark ran over and opened the door.

“Sorry. You know how it is.”

“Whatever. Oh, gross, you look all sweaty and nasty. Anyway!” She started, walking over and jumping onto the bed. Mark cringed. He and Cesar were just fooling around in there. “Wasn’t Cesar supposed to stay for a bit today?”

He leaned against the wall near the window. “Oh, he did. Just missed him. He swung by just to pick up something he forgot last time, then I brought him home and came back to take a nap.”

Sarah’s eyes traveled to the bottle of lube.

Shit . Mark kicked it under the bed as if that would help. It clattered against the wall on the other side.

She stood up off the bed, now having a general idea of what might have been going on in it. “No judgment, I’m not going to tell you that you can’t choke the chicken in your room in your own house. Thanks for trying to lie to me about that, but do better next time, it’s not something I needed to know about.”

“Uh, yeah, any time. It’s not information I give away for shits and giggles, you know. So what did you want to talk about?”

She sat at the chair behind the desk, kicking her feet like the giddy high school girl she was. “I just needed to gush. Cesar says he wants to take me to an aquarium next month, can you believe it?”

Oh, this was going to be a whole conversation when Cesar came back inside, Mark could feel it. What the fuck was he thinking?

“Sounds like something he’d do. Is he taking you down to the one in Werksha?”

Her feet kicked hard against the legs of the chair in her excitement, threatening to snap them in half. “Yes, that one! He never did anything like this for those senior-year girls he dated. They’re going to be so jealous that he loves me. ”

Sorry Sarah, but you’re not the first person he took there. We went together three weeks ago.

“Don’t you think you’re getting a little too invested in a relationship at your age? And with a guy almost three years older than you? He’s going to be graduating soon.”

“You’re just jealous, Mark.”

Yeah, no, that’s not it.

“Whatever. Just try not to get too upset if it doesn’t last, okay? Most of these high school flings don’t.” He knew that was bullshit, or wanted it to be, because that was pretty much what he had with Cesar. But he knew his relationship with Cesar was real, and he wanted it to last forever.

“Some supportive brother you are.”

“I’m just saying! Look, if it works out, then I’m happy for you.”

Sarah jumped up with a shrill squee in her throat and hugged Mark tight. “Have I ever told you that you’re the best brother ever?”

You won’t be saying that when you find out what’s happening here.

She ran over to the window. Mark felt himself starting to sweat again, and not from how hot it was outside.

“Is it really that hot in here that you needed to open a window? Or are you just that sweaty from spanking the monkey?”

Mark made a face. “Gross, don’t bring that shit up again.”

“Just asking.” 

Mark breathed a sigh of relief when she stepped away from the window. One sideways glance to the right and it all would have been over. 

“I appreciate you visiting, but shouldn’t you head home? I do have some things I need to get done.”

“You mean like fa—”

“Don’t.”

“I’m just messing with you. But yeah, I should start walking home, or Mom will wonder if I got kidnapped on the way home from school. I can always tell you more about it over the phone.”

Mark offered her a ride home, even if it meant leaving Cesar alone for a little while, but she turned it down and insisted that she walk home herself. As soon as the bedroom door closed, Mark ran up and pressed his ear up to it to listen for the sound of the front door opening and closing downstairs. He ran back to the window, where Cesar was already climbing over back across the pane, and Mark helped pull him in before he could be seen from below. 

Mark waited for Sarah to be far enough away from the house before he shut the window again. “Cesar, are you fucking crazy?”

“Hey, you wanted me to treat her right, so I thought the aquarium would be nice!”

Mark grabbed Cesar by the shoulders and tried to shout him down, but that remark left him laughing uncontrollably. “No, I— hahah, oh my fuck, I can’t— I mean how you jumped out the fucking window! ” He was practically in tears from laughter. It shouldn’t be so funny, he could have fallen and gotten hurt or worse, but Cesar was always good at doing these things to Mark.

Cesar joined in and had to lean against Mark to steady himself. “Hey man, it felt like I was in some kind of cool spy movie or some shit! I was on your roof like a ninja!”

“The spy who’s hiding from the girlfriend he’s cheating on with her brother? Shittiest spy movie ever. Don’t ever get into cinema as, like, a profession.”

The two fell onto the bed in each other’s arms. They weren’t interested in going back to what they were doing before Sarah arrived, but that was fine. 

It was going to suck when Sarah found out about them. She’d have to at some point, Cesar couldn’t keep up this charade forever. With any luck, maybe she’d dump him first, and maybe she wouldn’t have to find out until she’s already long over it, and Mark can jumpstart a conversation with a “hey, you want to hear something so fucking funny?” and they can both laugh about it once Sarah was done kicking his ass for fucking her ex-boyfriend while they were still dating.

He’d worry about it later.