Chapter 1
Frantic traffic crowded the hallways as it always did at the end of the last period of the day. Most were making their way to the bus loop. Mark was going in the other direction, fighting the flow of traffic, to the parking lot. He knew that Cesar would be meeting up with him on the way there and, sure enough, he felt a tap on his shoulder, and it took him a moment to process that he was walking on Mark’s opposite side. A playful gesture, and one of the more tasteful ones that he could do in a place like this—he’d done “worse” before, and usually does from time to time, and they never escape at least a few glares and sneers. Not that Cesar cared. Hell, if anything he enjoyed the attention, even if it was negative.
They walked silently beside each other with an unspoken agreement that they had something to talk about once they were out of earshot. There were some things between them that even Cesar preferred they kept private. Mark knew it was something devious. Naturally. If Cesar of all people wanted to keep it on the down-low…
When it came to anything else though, everyone had to know about it. Cesar always hated the idea of their relationship being a secret, and would always do little gestures to make sure everybody knew who Mark belonged to. Like wrapping an arm around his lower back and keeping him attached to his hip as they walked. A few people gave them weird looks. Some sneered. Others glared. Most didn’t care at this point. It wasn’t new anymore, everyone knew they were fucking. Sometimes Mark wished he’d ease up a little bit, though. It just made Cesar come across as possessive, even though that probably wasn’t too far from the truth.
Outside, the sky was still overcast. The hand around his waist urged him, impatiently, to move faster out into the parking lot and toward his car. For a semblance of privacy they hid behind the side of the car opposite the walkway. Not entirely private, but at least out of view of most people and far enough away to not be overheard.
“Sooo…” Cesar started with his phony casual tone, “When do you want to do it? Next week? This weekend? Tomorrow?” He pulled Mark in closer, so close their noses were almost touching, with both arms wrapped around his waist. “Tonight?”
Mark found himself returning the gesture with his hands settling on Cesar’s hips. A sly smile crept across his face. He opened his mouth to answer, but before he could get the words out, someone a distance away started hooting and hollering at them. “Hell yeah, Heathcliff! Getting some ass!”
He didn’t bother to look up to see who had the loud mouth, or which asshole was following it up with a shrill wolf-whistle. Instead he tossed up his middle finger in the general direction of the noise without ever breaking eye contact with Cesar. Really… Getting some ass? That was how it started, but not how it’s going. Not that it was anyone else’s business.
“The earliest I can do is this weekend. I promised Sarah, and I’m busy tomorrow.”
Cesar pulled his face away. He seemed to shuffle his feet in frustration, like a child on the brink of a tantrum. “Man, I thought you’d be chomping at the bit to do it again. You’ve been visiting her a lot lately.”
Mark shrugged, gently patting his hands where they were left to rest on Cesar’s sides. “I guess I just felt I wasn’t visiting home enough. It’s basically around the corner, too.”
“What do you even do? I mean… She’s your sister and all, but… you know?”
“No, I don’t.”
“What I mean is that you’re a guy in senior year, and she’s still a kid in her sophomore year. And even though you’re a massive cutie that loves being under me, you’re not exactly… effeminate. Unless you two do talk about boys or something,” he said, his voice trailing off into a giggle. “But if you do, the only boy you better be talking about is me.”
“What— No, no. Nothing like that. Well, sort of. It’s hard not to talk about you. I’m dating you, and you know she’s always had a thing for you. It comes up. Speaking of which, you should be a little nicer to her. Since you know about her crush on you.”
“Yeah, well,” he started with a sigh, “I get that. But she also knows about us.”
“And she’s been good about it. She doesn’t try getting weird with you. We told her women don’t do it for you, she gets it.”
“And she doesn’t hate you for snatching her man?”
“She jokes about kicking my ass for it. But no, she’s fine.”
“Alright, then. Still not sure what you guys do other than talk about me.”
“Sometimes I sneak the Atari over and pull out the old TV when mom’s not looking. When we can’t do that, I’m usually stuck helping her with homework, but it’s fine. It’s also nice to stick around and have dinner at home once in a while.”
He sighed and gave Mark an exasperated smile. “Fine, fine.” Certain that nobody was watching, he left a quick kiss on Mark’s lips. Wrong move; a different voice whistled from elsewhere. This time it was Cesar’s turn to give them the middle finger. “I’ll just have to wait until Friday, then?”
“Yeah. Friday.”
“Can’t wait to be back in your bed.”
“Yeah?”
Cesar leaned in closer, their cheeks brushing together. His voice became a whisper in his ear that was felt more than it was heard. “I know how much you loved what we did last time. Bet you can’t wait for daddy to do it again.”
Mark inhaled sharply and held the breath.
“Daddy’s going to treat you so good.”
He grabbed Cesar by the shoulders and pushed him away. “Tomorrow. I can do tomorrow.”
Smug and triumphant, Cesar couldn’t keep his eyes from drifting down. “That’s what I thought you’d say.”
Mark let go of Cesar, pulled himself away, and leaned his side against the car, awkwardly squeezing his knees together. “My eyes are up here, Ces.”
He mirrored the motion of Mark leaning against the car. “And your dick’s down there. Hard to choose which one to look at, sometimes.”
“You’re so…” Mark shook his head. “I don’t even know. How does your mom cope with you? Knowing that you’re probably getting laid every time you spend the night at my place, I mean. I think anyone could guess what we do.”
“She’s not too happy about it, but she doesn’t try to stop me. All she ever says is that if I ‘do anything rash with that boy, please don’t be stupid about it’. As long as I don’t get sick or hurt, she’ll deal with it.”
“And if you do, I’m dead.”
“Probably!”
He shook his head again and pulled the door open. “I’ll pick you up tomorrow morning. If you run late, I’m throwing your ass in the dumpster. Headfirst.”
Cesar stood up straight and started to dramatically back away and blow Mark a kiss. There was a shout from somewhere behind him that was clearly meant for him. Mark barely understood it, but picked out the word “fairy” in there somewhere. “See you then. Now, if you’ll excuse me, someone’s ass is about to be grass.”
He considered stepping in to stop what he knew was about to happen, but Mark decided it was better to not get involved this time. There was no stopping Cesar once he got going, and he was in a bit of a rush. He was hoping to get over to his old house before Sarah made it home on the bus, and getting caught up in Cesar’s shitstorm could easily cost him an hour. Best to ignore the yelling that was now drowning out every other sound in the busy parking lot, even if normally Mark would have been quick to jump in and help. Was he a fighter? Not really. He just didn’t like leaving Cesar to deal with his shit alone, even if he was the one starting the shit. But Cesar was tougher than he looked, and he could take care of himself. Mark told himself that he’d be fine and got into his car without looking back at whatever scene his boyfriend was causing just out of view.
It felt late by the time Mark made it into the house, but he was relieved to see he was just in time. There was still enough time left to do what he needed to do before Sarah made it home. He managed to escape his mother’s chitchat. That right there would have been thirty minutes, possibly more. It hurt him to cut off his dear mother when she was only trying to ask him about his day at school. The moment was dire, though, and he needed to get away. He feigned needing to use the bathroom “really bad” and told her to “hold that thought”.
The bathroom was close to his old childhood bedroom. On his way to the bathroom he did a drive-by, flinging his bag into the room without looking or stopping. Sure, he could have brought it in with him and the whole thing would have been done way quicker, but he also couldn’t risk his mom (or Sarah, God forbid!) walking in and seeing him leave the bathroom with his backpack. Too many questions with no good answers. No, he had a different plan. One that was only slightly less risky, and infinitely more stupid. To keep his alibi strong, he still used the toilet and flushed and washed his hands. If anyone was within earshot, they’d notice if the toilet didn’t flush or if they didn’t hear the faucet running after. But once he was finished, he could finally search for the loot he came here for. The source was the laundry basket in the corner. He prayed that it wasn’t empty, and it wasn’t. He’d say it was God’s grace, but he quickly corrected himself; there was no grace in what he was about to do, and no benevolent God would ever help him do something so vile.
He dug through the top layer of the laundry basket, careful not to disturb the pile too much. Mostly shirts, worn once and discarded. Mark couldn’t relate, but he’d never admit to that to anyone other than Cesar, who preferred his men “sloppy”, or so he says. In any case, the shirts would have been okay, but they weren’t the real treasure Mark was shooting for. It didn’t take too long for him to find better than some lightly-used shirts: a few pairs of unwashed panties, and a days-old bra for good luck. Being buried under all those other worn clothes made it better. Surrounded by more of her with no space around them to air out the smell. He stuffed them into the crotch of his baggy sweatpants. It was a dangerous game, putting them there. If he thought about it too hard, he would get hard. But it was only for a moment. They’d be stuffed in the bottomless abyss of his bag in a few seconds and it would be done, all gone, never to be seen again by anyone except Mark, until they mysteriously turn up in the laundry again out of thin air.
Right as he opened up his bag to stuff them in, the front door of the house opened and slammed shut.
Shit, shit, shit! He cursed himself in his head as he crammed the stolen clothes as deep as he could into the bag. If God was good, and Mark liked to think he was, then he would have been caught right there. If God was good, he wouldn’t be letting Mark get away with this.
God must not have been in that house that day, because he managed to get it all hidden out of sight just before Sarah came pounding down the hallway and into his room.
“Did you bring the stuff?”
“Have it in my car,” replied Mark.
“Did mom say she was going out?”
“Yeah. She was just waiting for us to get home first. We can grab it after she leaves.”
Sarah looked behind her shoulder. She walked closer to Mark and lowered her voice. “Was that Cesar again earlier? I heard someone starting something right as I was getting on the bus, but I couldn’t see what was going on.”
He rolled his eyes. “Who else but him?”
“What happened?”
“Some guy called him a fairy again, I guess.”
Sarah scoffed and sat on the bed. “Hope Cesar won that round, then. Fuck that guy.”
Inwardly, Mark cringed. He didn’t really like hearing his baby sister use that kind of language, even if she was a teenager, even if he talked like that himself. “Yeah. Not like the last time. Though the guy who knocked him out was talking to one of his buddies in one of my classes. He took a solid punch to the mouth, and after all of Cesar’s friends ganged up on him to lie to the teachers and say that Cesar wasn’t the one starting shit, he’s not looking to run his mouth anymore.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. Heard him say something like, ‘he acts like a sissy, but he don’t punch like one’. Win or lose, he’s not looking to get his jaw realigned again and get suspended at the same time.”
“Did his mom find out about him getting knocked out?”
He sat on the floor, leaning against the side of the bed. “Yeah. She wasn’t happy. But she also believed the lie about Cesar not starting it. Still thinks her precious baby is an innocent little boy who gets shoved into lockers and thrown into trash bins for being gay. She has no idea what a menace he really is. Wouldn’t be surprised if he’s doing coke in the bathrooms, too.”
“Yeah, but still, it sounds like these dudes deserve to get decked.”
“I can’t disagree, but…”
“I know. You’re just afraid of him getting hurt. You were sobbing when you saw him get knocked out.”
“And nobody’s let me live it down.”
Sarah climbed down off the side and sat on the floor next to Mark, pulling him into a gentle hug. “It’s okay. It’s because you love him. Even if he is a menace. I also think you’d know if he was doing coke.”
He leaned into the hug, wrapping his arms around her and hugging her back. Having her sister be there for him meant the entire world. Nuzzling his face into her shoulder made the whole world feel right again. “To be honest, I wasn’t serious about thinking he was doing coke, by the way. It’s just that I wouldn’t be surprised if he was getting into more trouble than I see with my own eyes.”
For a while they sat there, Sarah comforting Mark in silence. Their mother soon left, and that was their cue to get the ball rolling on the plan. They would wait a few minutes to make sure she left, then peek out the window to make sure her car was gone. Then it would be safe for the two of them to go out to Mark’s car and pull out his old Atari, bring it inside, and pull the old analog television out from the very back of a mostly-unused closet and get everything set up. They would have at least a few hours to themselves before Mark would have to pack the games up and stuff the television back into the deepest corner of that closet.
The clothes hadn’t lost their ripe smell after being left in his bag for a few hours. More proof that God wasn’t watching, as far as Mark was concerned; if he was, those clothes would have taken on the musty, dusty smell of the bottom of his backpack and his plans would have been ruined. The scent was fresh as ever, and even the tiniest whiff Mark took to make sure the goods were still in perfect condition lit the fuse and sent him past the point of no return. This wasn’t the first time he’d done this. Every single time he stole his sister’s underwear it felt novel, disgusting, deviant. A buzz in the back of his head pushed him to carry out the act, and when he was finally alone with his prize there was nothing left to hold him back. He brought the fistful of clothes with him to his bed, where he laid down and freed his hardening cock from his shorts and briefs.
The process was a ritual to him at this point. He started with the bra first, as he usually did, holding up the inside of the cups to his face. Sarah would wear a single bra for days at a time, maybe even more, until the sweet smell of many layers of her sweat was soaked into the bottom curves of each cup. It reminded him too much of her typical scent, the scent that radiated off of her in waves on a warm day, when a thin sheen of sweat would cover her body and surround her in a haze of the smell. This was like that, but so much stronger; the result of many warm days spent in the same bra. Each deep inhale went straight to his brain until his head felt like it was full of cotton, bringing back that delightful buzz in the back of his skull that made him want more. He let the bra rest over his face while he stroked himself. Slowly, gently; only a tease. It wouldn’t be any good if he pushed himself over the edge before getting to what he was looking forward to the most.
He thought about the process the bra would have to go through to get like this. She would wear it on a hot day, come home, take it off. The next day, instead of wearing a fresh one, she’d wear the same one. Who wants to do laundry when you throw bras in the wash after one use? Every day she’d tell herself the same thing: just one more day, it’ll be fine.
Sarah never told him this herself, but she didn’t have to. The scent and dark sweat stains at the bottom of each cup told him the entire story of where they’ve been.
Weeks. It had to have been worn for weeks, give or take, before she finally relented and wore a clean one.
The dirty, sweet smell flooded his nose. He rolled his thumb gently over the tip of his cock, teasing and preparing himself, all the while holding himself back. But the feeling of his thumb gliding over his slit with the smell engulfing him, it made him think of how it could have been Sarah on top of him, letting him get an eyeful of her chest, while her smaller and cuter hands toyed with his dick. They would be so much smoother and softer than his. They would have a little more trouble wrapping around his shaft than his. She would need to use both hands to pleasure him. They would feel so, so good around him.
It would never happen, not for real. Doing something like that would mean forcing himself on his sister. It would mean hurting her. The fantasies he indulged in were an affront to God, but he swore that he loved his sister regardless, and would never in his life do anything that would hurt her. Acting on his desires would hurt her. He could admire from a distance.
This was “distant” enough for him. So long as he didn’t take it any further than this.
But, with the bra still smothering his nose, sometimes he couldn’t help but think of Cesar. What did it say about him, to be lusting after another when he had a perfectly good relationship with Cesar? Cesar gave him everything—friendship, love, romance, sex—he could ever ask for, and he did it all in the best of ways for Mark. They were even out to everyone! Their families were okay with it! It was more than most guys in their situation could ever hope for! Imagine, the public embarrassment of it all, should this secret of his get out… the publicity of their splitting up, and the grim secret of why Cesar left him.
What he needed to remind himself was that this was, again, all a fantasy that he would never act on. It was enough to make that promise to himself. It was enough to love Cesar and keep this part of him to himself. Nobody had to know. It killed him to think he was keeping secrets from Cesar, but it was okay. Being his boyfriend didn’t mean he needed to know every kink, fetish, or hidden desire Mark had. What he didn’t know couldn’t hurt anybody.
No, nobody had to know about him reaching for those unwashed panties instead, inhaling deep against the crotch… and rubbing himself with unhinged fervor at the scent that wasn’t as strong as the many layers of sweat in the bra, less pungent, but had that certain something that made him crave it more.
His breath was ragged as he pumped his dick in his hand, his legs and feet shifting uneasily against the sheets, never able to settle as every nerve in his body flared with life. Once he got to that point, he was fine—there wasn’t any room left in his mind to think. Anything beyond the thought of his sister riding his face while he rubbed himself raw to it had no place. Later there would be regret, but that was later.
Mark’s grunts and groans turned into moans and whimpers. The scene playing out in his head wasn’t real, but the flood of sensations made it feel real enough. He came in thick dribbles into his hand, covering himself up as much as he could with his palm. The last thing he needed was for a stray drop to end up on Sarah’s clothes. Even if she didn’t see it before they went in the wash, the thought of leaving even the smallest trace of himself on something that belonged to her filled him with dread. Instead, he’s quick about cleaning off his hands with tissues and keeping her things no dirtier than he found them. They would be returned to their laundry basket the next time he visited. In the meantime, he stuffed everything into his pillowcase. He’d need a better place to hide them, but for now, this would work. He was saving them for later anyway.